"Before you know it, maternity leave is over, it's time to go back to work again and you are faced with the heart wrenching task of leaving your baby in the care of someone else".

You may have spent the last few months nurturing and caring for your baby around the clock. Up until now, your baby has depended entirely on you for everything and may want you 24/7. You have grown so attached to each other that you may not be so comfortable with the thought of being away from your child and not being there for him. Right now, he may cry and protest even if you step out of the room or when you put him down. You may be anxious about how he is going to adjust to being taken care of by someone else.

SEPARATION ANXIETY

There is a simple explanation for your child's reaction to you leaving. Your child is experiencing separation anxiety. It is an absolutely normal part of childhood development. Very simply put, separation anxiety is the fear that children have that their parents are leaving them and are not going to come back.

Why do children feel this way? Between 8 and 12 months, babies begin to learn that things and people exist even when they're out of sight, this includes mom and dad. Earlier than 8 months they could not understand this, something existed only when they could see it.

Therefore when you leave a child of around 8 months or older, he knows you still exist even though you are not physically present. Most babies don't yet understand the concept of time, so they do not even know if or when you'll come back.

During the first months the child has also become familiar with the home environment, they recognize their parents as familiar and safe. When in a new environment, the baby may experience fear as there is a lack of familiarity.

For all these reasons, when you leave him to go to work, he may feel threatened and unsafe. Therefore he does anything he can to prevent you from going such as crying, screaming and clinging to you.

Separation anxiety peaks between 12 and 18 months of age. By age 2, children become more self-assured can tolerate separation more easily. Separation anxiety usually ends at around 3 years of age. However, it could reappear later as well during some period of stress for the child, when in an unfamiliar situation or when away from the parent.

NOTE: Most babies younger than 6 months adjust easily to other people and may not experience separation anxiety. As long as their feeding and sleeping routine is being followed and their needs are being met, they are comfortable and can adjust to any environment.

To get over separation anxiety, children must:
• Feel safe in their environment
• Trust people other than their parents
• Trust that their parents will return

Here are a few strategies that can help your child feel safe and secure:

• In order to help your child feel comfortable with others and new environments, it is important to introduce the idea gradually to him, so that he can get used to it. Practice leaving your child with a caregiver for short periods of time. Build up his hours with whoever is looking after him gradually, before you go back to work. When you will start leaving your child in the daycare, do not put him there for more than one hour initially so that he or she can get used to being away from you. If you're planning to leave your child with a relative or a new babysitter, invite that person over in advance so they can spend time together while you're in the room.

• Leave after naps and/or mealtime since hunger and exhaustion can make their anxiety much worse.

• Once you leave, don't immediately come back. This will only make it harder on your baby. If you come running back into the room every time your child cries and then stay there longer or cancel your plans, your child will continue to use this tactic to avoid separation.

• Always say goodbye. It's tempting to sneak out the back door and avoid the tears and tantrums, but your baby will be much more upset if he or she has no idea where you went. At the same time, overly dramatic, drawn-out goodbyes will only send a signal to the child that something's wrong and might upset them.

• Offer your baby a security object like a stuffed toy or a soft, familiar blanket. This can help your baby comfort himself while you are away. Take some items that he is familiar with and that he can hold for reassurance.

• Reassure your baby that you'll be back soon. It's also a good idea to give a time frame for when you'll be back (i.e. "after your nap!"), even if your baby can't quite understand it yet.

• It's important to make sure that you return when you have promised to. Many parents promise that they will be back in few minutes and return after hours. Such practices will make the kids to lose the trust in the words of parents and may feel unsecure and anxious. Say goodbye when you leave and be back on time not making the kids to wait for you. Establishing trust by adhering to committed time of return may help kids to feel eased as they will be sure that parents will be back exactly at the committed time.

• Make the reunion as much as exciting for your child. You could greet them with a kiss or a hug. The experience of happy reunions will make the kids waiting for such occasions and they may take the separation as a way for exciting reunions.

Remember, as a working parent, you're helping your child learn to adapt to change and develop the confidence that he can overcome his fears and frustrations. This may be quite an anxious time for you yourself.

Here are some tips that can help deal with the anxiety:

• Leave your baby with people who you know, trust and who also knows your baby and his schedule.

• Keep an open line of communication with the babysitter. In case you cannot be reached, give the babysitter a trusted friend or family member's number who they can contact.

• There will be those days where you might unexpectedly get caught up at work or get stuck in traffic etc. It is important to have a backup plan, your parents, a relative, trusted neighbor or friend who you can depend on.

• Keep another bag with a spare set of diapers, clothes, formula, medicines and other essentials, perhaps in the car or with the babysitter, in case of an emergency.