We all have met people who hate their jobs because of the people they work with. In a survey of 1500 workers, it was found that 12 per cent of staff had quit a job at some point to avoid nasty people at work and 45 per cent were thinking about doing so. Experts estimate that 15% of your success comes from your skill and knowledge and 85% from your ability to connect to people and build trust and respect.
The ability to get along well with people in your personal relationships and in the workplace is a set of learned skills. No one is born knowing how to build others' self-esteem, show empathy, encourage cooperation, communicate assertively etc...
However, it is not very difficult to learn and develop these skills. By making the effort to build these ‘people skills' you will be able to build a better relationship at home and at work. It is a proven fact that people who can get things done through others, who can motivate; those who are liked and those who get along with others, stand a better chance at becoming leaders in the workplace and leading a more happy and satisfied life. For a happier and more satisfied professional and personal life, it is worth investing time and effort in building the following set of skills;
Build self-esteem
At work and everywhere else, people like to hear that they are important and relevant. Let them know you think they are working really hard, that they are doing a great job that they are contributing; that who they are and what they do has genuine value. Try it with your spouse, with your colleagues, and with your friends. Be an encourager and an affirmer. There is no easier way to build your relationships than this.
You can make others feel good by doing the following:
-Make eye contact.
-Call them by their names.
-Ask for their opinions.
-Compliment their work.
-Tell people how much you appreciate them.
-Write notes of thanks when someone does something worthwhile.
-Show empathy for others. Empathy means recognizing emotions in others. It is the capacity to put yourself in another person's shoes and understand how they feel about things.
Focus on your similarities.
Research shows we're more likely to be influenced by people who are similar to us. If you've been there too, if you've endured their pain, if you look and talk and dress as they do, they'll probably like you more. They'll listen to you more, and they'll confide in you more. So focus on the similarities. Even if you have a scant one per cent commonality with somebody at work, focus 100 per cent of your conversation on that commonality when you can.
Communicate assertively
Assertive communication is a constructive way of expressing feelings and opinions. Assertive behaviour enables you to:
-Act in your own best interests.
-Stand up for yourself without becoming anxious.
-Express your honest feelings.
-Assert your rights without denying the rights of others
Encourage people to cooperate with each other.
Whether you are managing a family or a work group, there are specific things you can do to create an environment where others work together well.
-Don't play favorites. Treat everyone the same.
-Don't talk about people behind their backs.
-Ask for others' ideas. Participation increases commitment.
-Follow up on suggestions, requests, and comments, even if you are unable to carry out a request.
-Reinforce cooperative behavior. Don't take it for granted.
-At your workplace build a team instead of a staff of competitors. Pitting people, who have to work together against each other sets up an atmosphere of unnecessary competition. The real competitor is the other business, not the people inside.
Don't complain.
Complaining without a solution might be unappreciated. Hence, complaining when you have a solution to the problem or making people aware of the problem with the attitude of finding a solution together can be beneficial.
Smile a lot.
Do it consistently throughout the day and then watch how others respond to you. You'll be pleasantly surprised (and they might be too!).
Use self-deprecating humor.
Don't hesitate to make fun of yourself. In a world where people are so full of themselves and incessantly concerned about communicating their own importance, self-deprecating humor can instantly make you attractive.
Talk about your own mistakes while raising theirs.
You might be a perfectionist, but you're not perfect. If you want to get somebody to listen to you about mistakes they've made, start by identifying your own.
Be approachable.
Create an environment where people are relaxed in your presence and feel comfortable approaching you.
Apologize.
Just say it and see how liberating it is.
Never, ever gossip
Many people don't even realize they're doing it, bonding with someone by tarnishing someone else's reputation
Don't communicate when you're angry.
Sometimes it's unavoidable, but often it's not. Most of us do an exceedingly poor job of making our point clear when our brains are clouded by anger. Never send an angry email. If you send it, your angry words will be on record forever. So just say no to angry emails.
People skills are like any other skill. The more you use them, the more adept you become. So if you're serious about "perfecting" your people skills, there's no shortcut. Only practice will make perfect.
It is estimated that workers and managers spend half to two-thirds of their time dealing with people's problems. The bottom line is that an aptitude for working with others is extremely important, so commit to improve your people skills and you'll observe that not only does it make you more productive but makes your job easier as well.
If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help.
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