Smita has been working for a few years and was recently blessed with a child. She appears to be a confident colleague and a loving mother who never seems to get angry. The picture is almost too rosy until the day Smita realizes that she has been angry about a lot of areas in her life. She finds herself crying, feeling disheartened, and the back pain that had last visited her many years ago seems to have returned. The husband who was supportive, now appears to misunderstand her quite often and understandably, the situation is upsetting. 

Rajiv is known for his cheerful and calm demeanor and seems to be a workaholic. However, one day he lost his cool at office and an unfortunate incident occurred. He was so angry and a sudden burst of anger took his colleagues by surprise. He talked about being over burdened with no time for his personal life. Since he had rarely talked about it, the situation was unexpected and confusing.

We may or may not know a Rajiv or a Smita, but what these two individuals share in common is repressed anger. Anger which is ignored, avoided, intentionally forgotten, or not acknowledged is repressed anger and it can have a significant impact in our personal and professional lives. As time passes, this anger becomes difficult to recognize or identify which may then lead to certain harmful consequences, such as Rajiv’s outburst at work or Smita’s emotional disconnect with her family.

There are some signs and consequences of repressed anger that we may notice in ourselves or others such as the following.

You try to keep yourself busy all the time- so that there is no time or energy to deal with the emotional distress. This is a temporary distraction and similar to the idea of sweeping the dust under the carpet so that you cannot see it. Conflicts in relationships may be ignored by not talking about it or avoiding the discussion till the other person gets tired of trying to initiate the discussion.

There is a fear of rejection- or a fear of not being able to make the other person happy and so you go the extra mile, which is time consuming. You say yes to any work given and agree on all matters to keep peace. Pent up frustrations over correcting another person’s mistakes but being unable to express this frustration would only increase the distress.

You try to appear happy and cheerful all the time- and though this is not a bad thing, not accepting or acknowledging the discomfort is unhealthy. Realistically, we may not feel happy all the time and difficult situations may prove to be opportunities for self growth and self development. Not always liking what other people do or say may be viewed as a chance to think differently where we may be required to move a little out of our comfort zones and learn something new.

On the rare instance when you do express your anger, others may react with shock or surprise- as neither you nor they were aware of the many pent up frustrations and concerns.

You may appear to be rigid about little things- such as making sure the dishes are washed before going to bed or, doing your work in a particular manner with little room for change, or becoming defensive in response to a colleague’s harmless comment about your personal life.  After all, the anger that is building up inside does require small outlets to be released or expressed. 

Holding on to grudges or past issues- and the anger associated with these issues. The person may hold on to past issues because he feels what happened wasn’t fair. The sense of injustice is so strong that he is unable to realize that there are ways through which he can move on. Yes, it can seem very difficult to forgive or to forget however, do keep in mind that the more tightly you try and hold on to these hurtful memories, the greater the control the anger will have over your well being.

Anger can lead to resentment and bitterness in relationships- where the persons involved may feel unappreciated or taken for granted.  For example, Smita may feel her husband is unsupportive because he wasn’t around too much after the birth of the child due to work; and the efforts of his parents to help out were met with resistance. Smita may continue to feel alone while her husband feels confused.

You suffer from health issues or aches and pains frequently- as the unexpressed anger is trying to get out. These minor but regular health issues could lead to long term muscle pains, problems with sleep, anxiety, and ongoing fatigue.

It is natural to feel angry from time to time and when expressed appropriately, anger can motivate us to fulfill our goals. So if your loved one is dealing with anger issues or if you would like to know more about healthy ways to express anger you may click on:  Expressing your anger