Can You Stay Together When Miles Apart? 

When people decide to get married, they also prepare themselves for the challenges of physical distance that may come along. For example, like a business trip, relocation, higher education, or attending to an elderly family member. 

During the separation period your trust, patience and commitment are brought to the test. Long-term separation brings along a lot of hurdles, namely lack of communication, physical contact and temptations. Though it might look like a dark never-ending tunnel, the good thing to remember is that all tunnels open up to a brighter side. 

Plan it Out 

When the day of your spouse's departure is approaching near, planning for the separation period would be the last thing you would want to consider. However, for a lot of couples planning makes the separation more bearable because once you know that your left-behind spouse is much in control of the situation, there is a feeling of security and relief to let go of the fears. 

Locate Important Documents  

Have an easy access to credit cards and any other accounts you might need to handle. 

Be the Handy Man 

Learn how to perform household and emergency tasks like changing a tire, fixing a leak or replacing the bulb, using the washing machine or doing basic cooking. Make a list of friends or professionals to call in case there is something you can't fix yourself. 

Budget Together 

Plan ahead as to how you'll use your resources. Save and tackle debts, including a small budget for yourself as a preventive measure for unplanned, emotional spending. 

Spend Quality Time Together 

Take the liberty to say "no" to a few chores or overtime at work in order to enjoy a movie together or spend an afternoon shopping. 

Treasure the Little Things 

Often, it's the small kindnesses that make the biggest impression on us. These random acts of kindness make heartwarming memories. 

Create Goals You Can Conquer as a Couple 

Consider cutting sweets out of your diet, walking daily to lose a certain amount of weight, etc. 

Talk about your Fears 

Unexpected separation or frequent separation periods, both will have their respective "what if" and "how to". It's wise not to brood over these things but to address them before they become your nagging and constant companions. 

Some Common Questions and Fears 
 
• What if we drift apart? 
 
• What if something happens to my spouse? 
 
• What if either of us is tempted - to be unfaithful or to do something that you would not do when you are together? 
 
• How will I deal with situations I'm not used to handling? 
 
Talk about what can be done to lessen these fears. If they are real, are there steps you can take to be more in control? 

 
From Final Goodbye to Reunion 

Saying the final goodbyes is the hardest moment of the separation period. There are certain things that can be done to make the moment after goodbyes less stressful. 

 
During Separation 
 
• Assemble a support network of same-gender friends and married couples. 
 
• Vent your fears and worries to your support network and family. 
 
• Develop a new interest - not only will your new activity take your mind off being alone, you'll have something new to talk about during calls home. 
 
• Record items you'd like to discuss with your spouse in a small notebook as you go about your day. 
 
• Care for yourself - get enough sleep, take a daily vitamin, and eat enough food. It will also ease your spouse's mind. 
 
• Plan a getaway upon return - have fun putting your heads together! 

 
After the Reunion 

• Share what you went through - this exchange will give you each an appreciation of what the other endured. 
 
• Summarize how you've changed, even in small ways - did you become more social during your spouse's absence or develop more confidence in your parenting skills or become more secure in your relationship? 
 
• Reconnect - your relationship has been stretched and, as a result, has likely grown. That's wonderful. Now enjoy the fact that you don't have to be far apart. 

 
Keeping Close When Far Apart 
It is easier to express love and affection when your partner is accessible and present in front of you. Doing so when you're miles apart can be tricky. 

 
Ideas for the Spouse Back at Home 

• Send a care package something that your partner might like e.g., homemade snacks, favourite movie on DVD, toiletries 
 
• Write an old-fashioned love letter 
 
• Ask a friend to pass along a compliment or relay the fact that you miss her. 

 
Ideas for the Spouse Who is Away 
 
• Have some food delivered to your spouse 
 
• Call your spouse when you know she'll be unavailable and leave an affectionate voicemail 
 
• Write a note/mail/sms of appreciation 
 
Both of you could take specific steps to make daily contact as far as possible. With emails, mobile phones, video calls and other such methods it should be possible to do this without too much expense. If differing schedules and time zones are a problem, plan a mutually convenient time beforehand. 

Talk about your day, listen and encourage, and make sure you stay a part of each other's daily lives. Discuss any problems that may have cropped up during the day and how they can be handled. 

Yes, you can stay close when travel keeps you apart, but it does take effort on the part of BOTH partners. 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 
 
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