"I am feeling very stressed". 
"I do not know for how long I can go on like this". 
"I am unable to have a good night's rest and it is affecting my work''. 
"At times suddenly for no reason, I feel really low and depressed". 
"I am very irritable now at home and feel very bad about it". 
"Even small things upset me". 
"I seem to have lost my appetite". 

Do statements like these seem familiar to you? Most of us would have said or felt this way at least at some time in our lives. 

What does "STRESS" really mean in practical terms? 

Simply stated, stress implies any sort of change that we must adapt to. Adaptation means we must have the capacity to cope with the change and if we succeed then the stress does not harm us - in fact, we feel a rush in dealing with those changes. If on the other hand, we find we lack or fall short of abilities to deal adequately with those demands; then we lose our self-confidence, and the stress can overwhelm us and make us feel tired and weak, and not in control of the situation. 

In reality, stress is not always negative - how well we are equipped to deal with it determines whether we experience it as negative or positive. If we had no stress, then we would in fact have little to motivate us to focus energy and attention on a given goal or task at hand. This sort of positive pressure can produce feelings of excitement, challenge, and opportunity; it enables us to be active. 

As pressure on us increases beyond an optimal point, anxiety and negative thoughts begin to creep in. We feel less confident about the situation around us and we experience negative stress. 

The same situation can be negative or positive depending on the person's resources. 

Let's take an example.

You get news of your promotion, but it means an immediate shift to a new city. It is also a difficult region to handle and will mean a lot of hard work from your end. On the one hand, the promotion is great because you will be rising in the company, but it also brings with it changes to your life. How well you can deal with the shift to a new city, and settling in with your family - will all affect the way you will feel about this news. Whether your partner is confident about handling the shift, settling the child into a new school and finding new friends, etc., will all impact your feeling good about the promotion.  

We can see that being prepared and having adequate support systems can ease some of the tension or stress we will meet in our daily lives. Life is ever-changing and full of challenges where each day brings new situations, scenarios, and events and we need to be able to live through it all. Learning skills to manage times when we feel overwhelmed and burdened, will help ease some of the tension and stress that comes our way, stall the negative impact, and help us lead happier and healthier lives. 

Life Cycle Transitions 

There are some events in our life cycle that occur in everyone's life and are seen to cause more stress than usual. Being prepared for the challenges that they bring can really help. Life cycle transitions include: 

- Starting and finishing school. 

- Starting work. 

- Leaving home. 

- Getting married. 

- Having a child. 

- Having a child leave home. 

- Retirement. 

If you or someone in your family is nearing any of the above situations, you can expect more tension and worry, and additional support would definitely be needed during such times. 

FACTORS THAT CONTRIBUTE TO EVALUATION OF A SITUATION AS STRESSFUL 

How you evaluate stress that comes your way depends firstly on the nature of the event that you are facing. A promotion is not totally negative whereas, the death of a loved one is definitely negative and would put more pressure. 

Your personality is another factor. Some people even with little pressure can start to feel very tense and unable to cope whereas, someone else in the same situation may not find it very taxing. Here, it is the individual's personality that is coming into play, how much inner confidence and inner strength they have to cope. 

If you have some control over the situation then you are able to control the stress but if you have no control, you will feel totally overwhelmed. For instance, you are out shopping and find your wallet has been stolen and it had all your credit cards and also some money you needed to use right now. If you have all your numbers kept in a file at home then you know that although it is a trouble, you will be able to block your cards as soon as you reach home. You are also able to walk from the shop to your friend's place and borrow some money so even your shopping trip is not unfruitful. 

Your resources to handle the stress also play an important role in how well you deal with the situation. Resources here mean money, skills, or people. For example, suppose you fall ill. It makes a difference if you are staying alone or with family. 

In the second situation, you have your family to take care of your comfort and also help you recover, so the stress will be less even though in both situations you are unwell physically. 

Another example is if you are giving an important presentation to a client and something goes wrong with the audio system. If you have some added skills in dealing with the equipment and can resolve the problem, it will mean less stress for you. 

Another aspect that can influence how we come out through stressful periods is, what else is happening during that time in our life. If you lose your job but are still single then it would not affect you that negatively; but if you lose your job when your wife is just about to have a baby, the added life event of having a baby will increase the amount of stress you experience. 

Lastly, your social support system is very important in how you cope with stress. This includes your family, friends, and colleagues- people whom you are able to lean on during tough times. If you have a good support system, then any stress becomes easier to deal with. Remember, we as a species are social animals, so support systems really help us feel at ease when troubled. 

Looking at stress in this new manner can help us feel better about dealing with the pressures that come our way. Next time you feel tense, evaluate the situation and see where you can bring in some change to help you ease the pressure. 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help.