Why do some people sail through life’s storms, while others are knocked down?
Resilience is the remarkable ability of people to adapt to adverse situations and thoughts that are physically, mentally, and emotionally taxing. In the book Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers, Robert M. Sapolsky has said: “Zebras don’t respond to the thoughts of lions, they respond only to real lions.”
Unlike zebras, however, humans experience a stress response concerning their thoughts as well as actual, real experiences of threat. These thoughts can increase the risk of stress, leading to long-term emotional and physical health problems. This ultimately impacts work engagement, performance, personal relationships and organisational outcomes. Therefore, it is crucial to develop an awareness of what we think – to start thinking about what we’re thinking about. This is where resilience comes in.
Resilience is a learned ability that can be developed by anyone and everyone at any stage of their lives. It becomes all the more important to develop this capability, given that we’re exposed to relentless demands, life-changing situations, events, behaviours and emotions. Let’s look at some individuals who have experienced certain setbacks and found different ways of developing resilience that proved beneficial to their situation and overall emotional well-being.
1. Flexible Thinking. Yash (28) has been working as a sales manager for the last four years. During the pandemic, his business took a hit, and he lost a prime client. Yash felt discouraged and unhappy and often thought about how and why this happened. Sometimes, he would get into a loop of negative thinking where he blamed himself for not being well-prepared.
Yash had two options — he could either look at this as a troubling event, which would then have taken a toll on his confidence. Or, he could choose to see it as something temporary and possibly due to external factors beyond his control, like his company not having sufficient funds to invest at the time, which in no way is a measure of his performance or abilities.
In the end, losing one client, even an important one, was not the end of the world, as Yash soon realised. Staying flexible in your thinking and choosing to see a different perspective of the same situation can help you learn that there are several other clients or opportunities that you can attract.
2. Reframing one’s thoughts is another wonderful technique. Rohit (30) is someone who had been looking to change careers for a few months. He sat for a job interview but did not get through. Being a resilient person, he quickly realised that perhaps this wasn’t the job for him. He was able to pick himself up, began connecting with friends and other people over professional platforms, and continued looking for other opportunities without feeling demotivated or questioning his self-worth.
3. Managing strong emotions like anger, frustration, sadness, and impulsive behaviour is another critical factor in resilience. Vijay (22) gets angry often and takes out his frustration on his family and close friends. For Vijay, developing resilience would mean finding ways to manage his emotions better. This includes focusing on healthier ways of releasing his anger and any other unpleasant emotions.
4. Focusing on events you can control is another excellent example of being resilient. Some things are simply out of our control; for instance, traffic would be one of them. You can either get angry, yell at fellow drivers, turn on some music, or think of new ideas for your next project or upcoming to-do list. The choice is yours. Finding ways to deal with situations in our control while letting go of those that aren't, can help build resilience.
A common misconception is that resilient people are free from negative thoughts and are always optimistic in most situations. On the contrary, resilient individuals have, over time, developed proper coping techniques that allow them to effectively and efficiently navigate through crises. These are some of the many ways that can help you build resilience so that it becomes your natural tendency.
If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help.
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