Leena was undergoing issues in her marriage, where she felt her husband did not understand her anymore. Any time that she decided to reach out to him about this, they would end up fighting. This was affecting her professional life, increasing her levels of stress and affecting her sleeping and eating habits.

She tried to talk to her friends, and read motivational articles, but that did not seem to help. She decided to seek professional help for her concerns and consulted two counsellors. The first counsellor was a man who sat on a chair that was higher than the one she was directed to and refused to disclose his first name. Throughout their sessions, he made little or no response to her distress and pain. Eventually, she felt that the sessions were not helping and discontinued.

Her second counsellor was warm and reassuring. This counsellor was kind and gentle, but ‘nothing much really happened’. Leena felt that there had not been much of a change in her situation at home.

The counsellors just did not seem to ‘fit’.

Reading this may make raise questions about whether or not one should seek counselling for their concerns. And if they do, how does one get the ‘right’ experience?

Counselling is an activity that is at the same time simple yet also vastly complicated. In counselling, people talk about anything and everything. This article briefly describes the counselling process, some of the myths attached to it, the role of the counsellor and the client in counselling, and the counselling relationship.

Coming back to Leena - she decided to try another counsellor, but this time she decided that she would put forth certain apprehensions that she had before working with this counsellor. Leena put forth certain questions in front of her new therapist, that one can often term as ‘myths’ around counselling.

Myth: Does going to Counselling mean I’m weak or ‘crazy’?

Fact: There is nothing weak about a person who enters counselling. The individuals who enter counselling are, in fact, taking the first step in solving their difficulties. A lot of people would view this as courageous. Going into counselling shows that you are willing to learn about yourself and ways to improve your life. It takes strength to call a counsellor to make an appointment. They do not judge their clients — counsellors welcome you. In, a good practice every client’s story is held with confidentiality and respect.

Myth: Counseling is only for people who have emotional problems/ for problems that are severe

Fact: It is true that some people who have severe mental illnesses work with counsellors to manage symptoms, but counsellors also help people work through everyday problems like marriage, family and relationship issues, sadness, grief, career transitions, or individuals who just want to understand themselves better.

Myth: The counsellor is your "psychic" who tells you what to do with your life and how to "fix" your problems/The counsellor will “fix” my problems.

Fact: The counsellor is there to help you achieve the goals you set and help you resolve your problems. While counsellors will NOT tell what to do, they will help you explore the potential ups and down side of your choices.

There are no quick fixes when it comes to mental health. Strengthening your brain through counselling is like strengthening your body through exercise. It takes time, practice, patience, and persistence. Each person who enters counselling is a unique individual, so there is no universal formula to determine how long it will be before a client feels better.

Through all this, Leena then wondered - “If counselling is collaborative, what can then be my role in it?”

One of the essential common features of all counselling is that it can only happen if the person seeking help, the client, wants it to happen.

When Leena recounted her previous experiences with counselling, here is what the counsellor had to say -

“Different people have different needs.  One client may work best with a helper who expresses a great deal of warmth, whereas another may work best with a helper who is more objective and businesslike. Once the client learns to trust the helper, stronger interventions can be used. Effective helpers use a mix of styles, skills, and techniques that is right for each client, and they remain themselves while they do so.” (A. A. Lazarus, 1993; Mahrer, 1993).

With this understanding, Leena was able to proceed much better in counselling. She was able to utilize this space better and let the counsellor know what was and what was not working for her.

This helped them foster a better relationship, helped Leena find ways to improve the concerns in her marriage.