The new Superwoman is ordinary in that she is neither rich nor famous. She is extraordinary in that she tries to be everything to everyone - juggling family life, social life, and commitments outside the home (i.e. participation on school PTA, society committee). The new Superwoman 'has it all' by 'doing it all' with superlative standards and ends up feeling overwhelmed, overextended, overworked and under-appreciated. Ever wondered where this term "Superwoman Syndrome" originated? 

The Superwoman Syndrome joined the list of syndromes in 1984, with Marjorie Hansen Shaevitz's book of the same title. Later on, in their 1989 book, "Second Shift", Professor Arlie Hochschild and Anne Machung revealed the enormous toll this ‘superhero' status takes on women as they punch the clock at home and at work. Since then, the term ‘Superwoman Syndrome' has become synonymous with the unreal expectations placed on working women who try to be exceptional mom, wife and employee, all at the same time. 

At the height of the women's movement, women were told that they could be whatever they wanted, so they could dream big. When women tried that, they soon had to face and address the real obstacles in their career paths. Overcoming those, even to a degree which was considerably short of complete success, took extraordinary effort. If one was also married, or had a significant other, the burdens of the household were an additional strain to the women. Moreover, the issue of whether to have children often translated into whether or not to have a successful career or just resign oneself to being primarily a housewife. 
 
 

Performing multiple and conflicting roles has become a fact of life for many women in today's world. A woman put it this way: "The hand that rocks the cradle also cradles the phone, sweeps the floor, writes memos, and meets deadlines." So, what happens when women try to meet these high standards and unrealistic expectations? To put it in a simple word, and one that most working women and their families will identify with - STRESS. 

The combination of being a worker outside the home as well as a mother causes tremendous stress: the expectations are great, the support minimal; the needs are unremitting; and the propensity for worry and guilt is enormous. Expected to keep a tidy house, feed regular nutritious meals to the family, do household chores daily, and meet professional performance standards, women are left feeling inadequate and anxious - that is, if they ever have a few minutes to stop and think. 

It's no secret that excessive stress creates unhappiness and can alienate one from the important relationships in one's life. It can leave us with feelings of sadness, anger, fear, guilt, and helplessness. Spiritually, there may be a feeling of being betrayed and alone, wondering where God is in all this. As in Trudy J. Morgan-Cole says, "Don't keep working till you drop, rather, drop to your knees - or into a comfortable chair - right now and ask God to refill and restore you. Taking time to renew your spirit isn't selfish - it's essential." 
 
 

One needs to take this time out from their daily grind because excessive stress is detrimental. Stress-related illnesses such as ulcers, migraine headaches, high blood pressure, and heart problems are becoming more and more common amongst even relatively younger people. 

Also, almost by definition, "superwomen" have high standards and want things done their own way. When others do the job differently, women tend to be angry or disappointed and feel it's better to do it themselves. This too adds to their work and makes life difficult. But part of giving up control over everything is "letting go" of these standards a bit and not forgetting to let the person who does the job know you appreciate it. 

 
Here are some other tips that could help you find balance in life: 

• Develop a support network. Building effective working relationships with family, peers, coworkers, and bosses can enhance the quality of your life. 

• Prioritize personal and professional responsibilities. This helps in being focused and getting important things done first. 

• Set realistic expectations: Superwoman and Super mom are fictional characters! 

• Plan your time: Use schedules to manage your time more efficiently at work - you will find that you accomplish much more during your working hours and may not need to stay back late. Similarly, plan your time at home as well. 

• Learn to delegate: Part of this is letting go, asking for help and most importantly, allowing people to help you. 

 
It is equally important that if you are one of those who are going through the "superwoman syndrome", or a husband and family member of one, that you take note of it, recognize what they might be putting themselves through and tell them that it's really not important to do it all perfectly. They may need to hear that from you in order to change. Ultimately the important thing is to stop trying to "do it all" and start doing what matters well! 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 
 
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