Suddenly you find that you are no longer part of a couple. All the things that you used to do, the places you used to go to, your social life, and even your plans for the future were associated with your former partner. Just getting back to daily life may seem almost impossible. 

Your Feelings: 

When you have 'lost' a partner, you feel almost as if someone has died - you actually go through an experience that is very similar to bereavement. Feelings of intense anger alternate with longing for your former partner. There is also probably deep hurt and a feeling of betrayal, especially if there is another person on the scene. Some people even feel disgusted with themselves. 

There is no ''right'' way to feel. Your feelings, as unwelcome as they sometimes are, are part of yourself. They are something to accept and deal with. 

Often people around you just don't understand what you are experiencing. They may say things like "You're much better off without him / her", "After all there are other fish in the sea", "How long are you going to mope around?" Although they are trying to be helpful, you may be left feeling that no one understands what you are going through. 

How long will all this take? 

There is no way of knowing how long a person will take to get over the intense feelings associated with breaking up. With some people it takes weeks, for others it may be months or even years. It depends on the length and nature of the relationship, the way the relationship ended and the kind of person you are. Be patient with yourself and try to learn the difference between giving yourself time for recuperation and reflection and becoming stuck in a pattern that doesn't allow for growth. Self-care is a wonderful way of recuperating. 

Where do I go from here? 

You may feel pressure from others or even from within yourself to get on with life and put the past behind you as soon as possible. However before you can completely close this chapter of your life you need to sort out your thoughts and feelings, acknowledge them and learn from them. By identifying what went wrong in the relationship, what your part in it was and how you'd like things to be different in the future, you can better ensure that you won't find yourself in the same situation in future relationships. 

Get help 

You may feel like withdrawing from people altogether at this time but it really helps to share your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend or family member. It may also help to put your feelings in writing. 

Counselling can help you get some perspective on this rapidly changing and confusing time as you speak or write to a neutral, objective person. This can be especially helpful when you get the feeling that your friends are fed up with the subject of your break-up! The goal would be not just to get through this bad patch, but also to rebuild a new life. 

Be patient with yourself 

You can't avoid the pain, but you will get over it - eventually. Meanwhile treat yourself gently and give yourself time to recover. Spend time with people in whose company you feel comfortable. Eat well and exercise. 

Gradually you will find that your negative feelings will start to fade and you will be able to start afresh.  

Till then - hang in there! 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 

Online Counselling 

Place an online request for an Appointment 

Call 1800-258-8999 / 1800-258-8121