Sehmat has recently filed for a divorce. Although the marriage had become very toxic, she feels unsure about what follows. Her parents, friends and colleagues advise her to rethink her decision. Her husband promises to change his behaviour but Sehmat knows from experience that this is not to be trusted. Sehmat is feeling confused between her decision and others' advice.  

Mudit is feeling unsure about his career for the last couple of months. He has been offered a new role and at the same time, he wants to study further to improve his skills. While the new role would give him the opportunity to interact with people more as per his liking, the course would help build skills and fuel his career going forward. Mudit has to make a choice soon and he is feeling very overwhelmed.  

A lot of us struggle with making and standing by our choices or decisions. It is only natural because these decisions impact our lives at every step of the road. Decisions about relationships are specifically complex because of the large number of factors involved. We have to think about our emotions and the people who matter.  

The emotions we experience when confronted by difficult decisions can be particularly difficult to deal with. Helplessness, anguish, despair, disappointments, regrets and prolonged unhappiness are often experienced by many. Depending on the type of decision, a person might feel excited, curious, or intrigued. As obvious, it’s a range of emotions that we go through.  

Many of us have wished we could stay committed to our decisions better and follow through on them. You could increase your capacity to adhere to your choices by strengthening your emotional strength and boosting your volition. Before going forward, we need to remember that not all decisions are worth standing by. Some of those would be more harmful and therefore we need to be careful in choosing where to spend our energy and where to call it quits. For example, staying in an unhealthy relationship might be more damaging for you and it might be better to change rather than to follow through.  

Where could you start? 

1) Define the decision: It helps to start with understanding what exactly the decision entails. Start by asking yourself some questions. What do I need to do more of/less of? By when do I need to take the decision? Who all does it include? What areas of my life would get impacted due to this? Am I the person who needs to make this decision at all?  

Mudit could ask himself what would be a direction he wants for his career. What would be more fulfilling for him in the next couple of months? The answer to these questions would help get some clarity. Knowing the breadth of the decision can help with not feeling overwhelmed by it. 

2) Weighing pros and cons: making a list of the impacts this decision has can be quite helpful. It makes it easier to see those consequences in bright light and helps us decide better. Quite often, no decision would be all favourable. What makes decisions difficult is that there are some mixed consequences. Acknowledge that difficulty and think about what consequences are the easiest for you to deal with. If all are difficult, think about what is the least difficult. Sehmat could look back to see what she felt like in the relationship and whether or not her needs were met. 

3) Anticipate and Plan: anticipating and planning the decision and its impacts saves a lot of last-minute overwhelm and panic. Plan the practical nuances of informing people, about finances, living situations and day-to-day concerns. Also, plan how to deal with the discomfort and emotional upheaval. Think about who would be the people you could reach out to or activities that would keep you grounded. 

4) Dealing with the discomfort: when you have taken the decision, take a moment to get ready to deal with the consequences. In lieu of managing the difficulties, don't ignore the benefits. You could go back to your list of pros and cons and remind yourself of why you took this decision. Also, utilise the resources that you planned. It could be talking to people, engaging in activities that help you relax and also, looking for new people and activities that provide you with purpose. Sometimes this would also mean accepting the discomfort as real and dealing with the difficult parts, while the supportive parts of the decision provide comfort. 

5) Be open to new perspectives: remind yourself that even if your decision does not work out exactly how you planned, it is fine. It would not be possible to be prepared for contingencies in such circumstances. Notice all the things you actually manage in the difficult times. Be kind to yourself and plan for the future. Accept setbacks and difficulties as a part of the process and not a failure. 

Taking decisions about relationships can be hard. Especially because people around us might not be able to understand our point of view. Many a time, we ourselves are judging our actions according to the scripts made by others. Whenever you find yourself taking a hard decision, it's important to show yourself the same kindness and compassion that you would like to provide to our loved ones.  

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 
 
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ave to think about our emotions and people who matter. 

The emotions we experience when confronted by difficult decisions can be particularly difficult to deal with. Helplessness, anguish, despair, disappointments, regrets and prolonged unhappiness are often experienced by many. Depending on the type of decision, a person might feel excited, curious, or intrigued as well. As obvious, it’s a range of emotions that we go through. 

Many of us have wished we could stay committed to our decisions better and follow through on them. You could increase your capacity to adhere to your choices by strengthening your emotional strength and boosting your volition. Before going forward, we need to remember that not all decisions are worth standing by. Some of those would actually be more harmful and therefore we need to be careful in choosing where to spend our energy and where to call it quits. For example, staying in an unhealthy relationship might be more damaging for you and it might be better to change rather than to follow through. 

Where could you start?

1) Define the decision: it helps to start with understanding what exactly does the decision entail. Start by asking yourself some questions. What do I need to do more of/less of? By when do I need to take the decision? Who all does it include? What areas of my life would get impacted due to this? Am I the person who needs to make this decision at all? Mudit could ask himself what would be a direction he wants for his career? What would be a more fulfilling for him in the next couple of months? The answer to these questions would help get some clarity. Knowing the breadth of the decision can help with not feeling overwhelmed by it.

2) Weighing pros and cons: making a list of the impacts this decision has can be quite helpful. It makes it easier to see those consequences in bright light and helps us decide better. Quite often, no decision would be all favourable. What makes decisions difficult is that there are some mixed consequences. Acknowledge that difficulty and think about what consequences are the easiest for you to deal with. If all are difficult, think about what is the least difficult. Sehmat could look back to see what she felt like in the relationship and whether or not her needs were met.

3) Anticipate and Plan: anticipating and planning the decision and its impacts saves a lot of last minute overwhelm and panic. Plan the practical nuances of informing people, finances, living situation and day to day concerns. Also, plan how to deal with the discomfort and emotional upheaval. Think about who would be the people you could reach out to or activities that would keep you grounded.

4) Dealing with the discomfort: when you have actually taken the decision, take a moment to get ready to deal with the consequences. In the lieu of managing the difficulties, don't ignore the benefits. You could go back to your list of pros and cons and remind yourself of why you took this decision. Also, utilise the resources that you planned. It could be talking to people, engaging in activities that help you relax and also, looking for new people and activities that provide you with purpose. Sometimes this would also mean accepting the discomfort as real and dealing with the difficult parts, while the supportive parts of the decision provide comfort.

5) Be open to new perspectives: remind yourself that even if your decision does not work out exactly how you planned, it is fine. It would not be possible to be prepared for contingencies in such circumstances. Notice all the things you actually manage in the difficult times. Be kind to yourself and plan for the future. Accept set backs and difficulties as a part of the process and not a failure.

Taking decisions about relationships can be hard. Especially because people around us might not be able to understand our point of view. Many a times, we ourselves are judging our actions according to the scripts made by others. Whenever you find yourself taking a hard decision, it's important to show yourself the same kindness and compassion that you would like to provide to our loved ones.