‘‘Veena who is this other man in the picture?'' asked Varun. 
‘‘He is just a friend; don't you trust me?'' replied Veena. Both of them were feeling upset. 
‘‘I trust you Veena but...''. 
‘‘But what? You always ask me the same question for all my pictures!'' said Veena. She was finding it difficult to control her anger and wondered why Varun was being so suspicious. 
‘‘I trust you but how can I trust all these other men?'' said Varun and walked away angrily. 

What was meant to be a regular dinner after work had now turned ugly. As Veena sat there crying, she realized she could have kept her phone aside and check her Facebook comments later. Had she paid more attention to Varun then would this situation have changed? Guilt, unhappiness and lack of appreciation were just a few of the emotions she was feeling at that time. 

 
Personal boundaries 

 
Where would you draw the line? Do you think there could be a line or a limit to what can or cannot be posted online? 

Person A feels that everything about his life needs to be posted online because if not, how will his family and friends know how he is doing and what is going on in his life? He is the type to give 200% to his relationships to keep everybody around him happy. Posting humorous content online is part of his efforts. 

Person B feels that the world does not need to know if she has checked into a particular place or if she has changed her profile picture in the past week or not. They have their own lives to look into! She also does not like it when her partner shares memories of their anniversary lunch because the private and romantic moment is now open to comments and views from the online world. Yes, the number of likes on the picture may feel good momentarily, however, a comment on how she should watch what she eats or that she no longer looks like her youthful self...well you can imagine the irritation at that! 

The point is each of us needs to set some boundaries as to how much of ourselves we reveal on social media. In addition, we need to keep up our real-life interactions with people rather than relying on social media to maintain our relationships. 

 
Emotional distress 

 
If you find several pictures of your partner with ‘friends' of the opposite gender, how would you interpret it? Would this suggest that she is seeking attention from those people? Is she trying to compensate for the emotional void she is experiencing in the relationship with you? Perhaps she feels the need to post happy selfies to remind herself that her relationship is going strong. You may find yourself feeling jealous or insecure because of the amount of time she spends online. Especially if she is not able to give you time/attention during a meal together and this leaves you feeling disrespected or devalued. 

Viewing your partner's online content can lead to misinterpretations and misunderstandings. Be cautious about jumping to conclusions and questioning the validity of those conclusions. 

 
Emotional hurt expressed online 

 
This could be an act of frustration such as breaking up in the heat of the moment by changing your relationship status. When we feel hurt or lonely, expressing our sorrows on social media may seem easier and faster than waiting for a loved one to be available to hear us out. The response is more instant but how long does this sense of relief last? It may be a healthier practice to reach out to a supportive person rather than wait for online sympathy. 

 
Self-esteem and self-confidence 

 
Self-love or the ability to love, accept, and believe in yourself is essential to living a happy life. So, if you are dependent on the number of likes on your pictures or re-tweets of your tweets to feel happy about yourself, do take a moment to imagine your life for a day with no access to social media at all. On such a day, what else would boost your self-confidence? 

Of course, this is different than sharing certain life achievements with your loved ones. Perhaps achievements earned after considerable personal dedication. For example, posting a picture of a leaner you and sharing your weight loss success story with the world. 

If you feel that you rely too much on social media as a source of self-esteem, try cutting down on it and building yourself up in other ways. 

 
Human Connection 

 
In real life, this involves a smile or a meaningful conversation no matter how brief it may be. Those several status updates and joining different groups seem good on paper but does it really help you get to know the other person? Do 2000 friends on your friend list cheer you up when you feel upset and lonely? Sadly, this facade of online friends/connections cannot heal your emotional distress as effectively as the people actually present around you (be it in person or over the phone for a real conversation). 

Also, online interactions conducted from the safety of a laptop screen/mobile will not do much for a person who seems to struggle with social and interpersonal communication. A shy or introverted person may begin online and then encourage himself to branch out and have real live conversations. 

 
Online romance 

 
You may have a friend who was cheated in love by a person she met online. Or perhaps your friend/family member who was impressed by a lady's online profile was left quite stumped when he met her in person. She seemed to be a different person! So even though we are aware that not every person met online can be trusted or is genuine, some of us still give into this temptation of a fairy tale romance, even when our instinct tells us to walk away. 

If you do meet someone online who you think makes a good match, take your time to assess the relationship in real life before making any decisions. 

 
In summary, the impact of social media on relationships can be tremendous. Because there are both pros and cons, it would not hurt to be a little cautious and sensible. While we embrace technology and appreciate the potential it has to bring us closer to our loved ones, let us also be a little more mindful of the people around us to that our relationships feel emotionally enriching and genuinely positive. 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help.