‘I used to enjoy working here.... but yesterday's remarks from the manager have just killed my drive and enthusiasm. I hate him, and this job... I am just wondering should I go up to him and tell him just what I think of him... or should I just stay quiet...' 
 
"I am so in love with Aniket, I feel like running away and getting married... I just don't care what my parents or anyone else would say." 
 
Do you ever wonder why people say, "Do not make important decisions when you are angry or in love"? What does the experience of strong emotions have to do with our discerning power or ability to make decisions? 

When we experience strong emotions, we have the choice to let them out, not express them and keep them inside, or to express them in healthy ways. 
 
Should I keep it in? 
 
Many people feel that bottling up their emotions is the healthiest way to avoid the aftereffects of these emotions. It is important to realize that emotions are real, and that this energy needs some outlet. If you hold them in, they will find one way or another to get out. Keeping it inside can cause many or all of these symptoms: depression, anti-social behaviour, short temper, lack of concentration, stomach ulcers, heart problems, breathing problems, loss of energy, and a host of other physical and emotional health problems. 
 
...Or let it out? 
 
The opposite of this is of course, letting your emotions spill out as and when you experience them. This could once again lead to disastrous consequences since you are not guided by rational thought. All kinds of difficult social and interpersonal relationship problems could result from this. 
We have all heard of people who leave home to escape from problems, resign from jobs, turn irritable, and depressed, have temper outbursts, withdraw from the world psychologically with or without the help of drugs and alcohol, and others attempt to completely withdraw by taking their own lives. 
 
The healthy alternative: 

The way around this is to express your feelings with someone you trust, who won't be judgmental and who deeply cares for you like a close friend or a family member. This is the great middle path that would help you express your emotions while avoiding the possible disastrous consequences. Once you have calmed down, you would be able to think rationally about the situation that caused the emotion and would be in a better position to think of how you want to respond. Talking or writing to a counsellor who is neutral, and objective is another option. 
 
You can't even begin to manage your emotions until you become aware and understand that you can influence them. Just as you are aware of being hungry or thirsty, you must become aware of what you are thinking and feeling. 
 
Ask yourself which of the following categories you fall under: 

Self-Aware: These people are aware of their moods as they are happening. They usually tend to be in good psychological health and optimistic. They do not ruminate or obsess about negative moods and can come out of them quickly. Some ways to become self-aware – consulting the feelings wheel, learning what each emotion means, observing how you express your emotions in different situations, asking the people in your lives what they think, etc. 
Engulfed: These people often feel swamped by emotions that seem to be in charge. They are not very aware of their feelings and so get lost in them. They do little to change their mood and feel as though they have no control over their emotional life. 
Accepting: These people are aware of their moods but tend to accept them, they do nothing to change their emotional distress because they believe that there is nothing they can do. 
If you do find yourself in the second or third category, don't worry. It is possible to deal with and work out your emotions without letting yourself be overwhelmed by them. 
 
What helps- the four Rs 
 
* Recognize the feelings you are experiencing and understand that it is normal because there is no right or wrong way to feel. 
* Remember that you have dealt with all kinds of intense emotions in the past, and you can figure out how to deal with the emotions you are experiencing now. 
* Recall what you did that was healthy or unhealthy to get through the previous experience. 
* Repeat those actions in the present that were effective in helping you cope with the difficult emotions in the past. 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help.