Ending a romantic relationship doesn’t only seem excruciating, it is. You notice how breakups are most commonly heard of and yet one of the most underrated as well. Some of us might wonder if this is the case because individuals are increasingly and openly speaking about breakups, which tells people that it is natural, normal and you aren’t the only one suffering heartbreak. Nevertheless, being aware of this fact doesn’t necessarily mean that your heart is going to mend itself or that the pain will end immediately.
Breakups are tough to deal with and the agony of it can seem persistent. You might notice that during breakups emotions are more intense and they often override rational thinking. During this process, a person’s sense of self can be fairly disturbed as well. You might have heard that breakups are very similar to the feeling of grief- denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. The relieving part of it is that most people are able to work through the grief in healthy manners and are hopeful of love again. This article is not only for those who have been dumped but even for those who initiated the breakup. Even if you are the one who ended it, you are perhaps going through similar pain to the one you ended it with.
Every individual has their own way of grieving/coping with a breakup, however, here are a few pointers that you might find relevant and helpful to apply to your life, which are different from keeping yourself occupied and cutting off from your ex-partner.
Find an emotional release: Expressing emotions during this time is an important part of the healing process. Suppressing emotions only means that you are not dealing with the root cause. Talking about it is one outlet as it allows individuals the opportunity to become aware of emotions that they didn’t know existed and define what they are in order to find closure with them. This doesn’t necessarily need to be done all the time but mostly whenever you feel overwhelmed or lonely. Find people who are supportive and willing to listen without constantly dishing out advice.
Design a routine and stick to it: You might recognize that throwing your routine out the window is very easy. Especially when things aren’t going according to plan. As convenient as it is, recognize that this is the time to stick to a routine. The moment you have free time it might become very easy to think of the pain your past relationship has caused you and that can only lead to spiralling downwards. So, map your day by categorizing where you want to spend your time and assess how much or whether the activities you are indulging in, are contributing to your well-being.
Re-organize your self-concept: Self-concept is a theory that states that no person is born with a self-concept. It is something that is developed as a person grows and this can be altered when a person is facing a stressor. Such as grief, break up, etc. This stage is important in the healing process, in order for you to rebuild and strengthen who you are, independent of your past relationship. Relationships have a significant impact on our core beliefs of who we are as people. At this point, you might want to consider identifying who you are and who you want to be and remind yourself that your relationship was a part of your life and not your entire life.
Reclaim who you are and what you have been neglecting: Think about who you were outside your relationship. Doing this is critical in order for you to identify and prepare yourself for independence. Another factor to think about is what parts of yourself did you push aside while you were in a relationship. It could have been a hobby, a friend, family, etc. When you have identified what was neglected or put aside, try to find ways in which you can give them importance and build them again. This will not only help you re-evaluate your self-concept but will keep you occupied in a healthy manner.
Restructure those negative and irrational thoughts: During your relationship, you probably formed certain beliefs about love, trust, life, etc; and that has probably changed once the relationship ended. Every time you are reminded of those beliefs or have a thought that is negative/irrational. Pause to find evidence of whether the thought makes sense and is rational. If it isn’t then restructuring the thought into something that is practical and rational. For example, negative/irrational thought- “I will never find love again” Rational thought- “Right now I am hurting and feel like I won’t find love again. However, there is no evidence to prove this, and many other people who once felt this way managed to find partners again at some point in their lives. So, it is a possibility for me as well.”
Breakups are as common as anything else in the world. Like anything else, there are ways to work through it and find closure. Remember to treat the emotional pain that you are feeling as seriously as the physical ones. Because in the end, some breakups can lead to positive outcomes like awareness, strength, deeper knowledge, etc. So be compassionate towards yourself and reach out to us at www.1to1help.net or 1800-258-8999 / 1800-258/8121 if you need further help.
References
Kim, J. (2016, February 6). Psychology Today. Retrieved from www.psychologytoday.com: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/culture-shrink/201602/8-ways-recover-breakup
Young, K. (2018). Hey Sigmund. Retrieved from www.heysigmund.com: https://www.heysigmund.com/recovering-from-a-breakup/
If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help.