We go through different phases of life with the intent of making a change for the better. When doing this it helps to maintain a realistic mindset. This might be something that we often miss out on. Having expectations of ourselves is natural but we often keep having expectations of ourselves without a break. This can become tiresome and seem unrealistic. We expect ourselves to constantly be in control of everything, we expect ourselves to wake up every day with exaggerated amounts of energy and expect to be fearless and perfect. How realistic do these expectations seem to you? 

Suraj, a 29-year old decided to start working out and expected himself to work out for at least 45 minutes to an hour every day. He followed the routine for about a week after which exercising got lost among work, travel, fatigue, sleep and social media. He felt terrible about this and kept beating himself up for not meeting this expectation of working every day. This might be relatable for a lot of us.  

 
The issue with expectations occurs mostly when there is no good reason or rationality attached to it. For instance, if we set up expectations that we think might be met without good reason, practicality or enough evidence then it might seem unrealistic. This pattern constantly leads us towards disappointment. If Suraj were to set more realistic expectations, like expecting himself to work on 2-3 days in the week for a start; he would have met them and not felt as bad about himself. So, when we are preparing to make significant changes to ourselves, relationships, work or any other aspect of life, it may help to set realistic goals and as much as possible have a realistic mindset.  

 
Having these constant expectations can be exhausting. So here are some steps that might help the next time you are rebuilding realistic expectations for yourself.  

• Preparing for change: When rebuilding expectations and preparing for change remember that it takes work. The fact that you are even thinking of changing and setting expectations for yourself already means a step forward. Changing your thoughts, feelings and behaviours can without a doubt be demanding, but can also be worthwhile. 

• Evaluation: Evaluate your expectations and recognize how practical they are. Keep the expectation in mind and ask yourself if it has worked for you before. What is motivating you to work on this expectation? Can it be achieved in the timeframe that you have set based on your work timings, social life, etc.? Would you be working on this expectation if you didn’t care about what other people thought about you? Lastly, is this expectation going to contribute to your life in the long run and are you being intentional when working on this expectation?  

• Dealing with setbacks: While changing, there may be times when you encounter obstructions from the past or present. During this period, having setbacks can be very natural but it is left up to you to decide how you want to view these instances. Do you want to view it as a setback or a hiccup which is bound to occur when you are trying to change yourself or something else in life?  

• Address the fear: Fieldman states that expectations often arise from fear. Keeping this in mind, it usually helps to make decisions about expectations in a calm state of mind. Even if your expectation is arising from fear try to make this decision with a clear mind.  

• Visualizing and identifying: Lastly, try to visualize and identify the most realistic takeaway if you achieve this expectation. Ask yourself, “If I meet this expectation, how would I feel about this and how would it contribute to my overall well-being?”  

We might worry that if we don’t set high expectations then we will never achieve our biggest goals. But this might not be true. In fact, rebuilding realistic expectations gives us the opportunity to be more practical, flexible and feel accomplished.  

 
References 
Johnson, J. A. (2018, Feb 17). Psychology Today. Retrieved from Psychology Today.com: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cui-bono/201802/the-psychology-expectations 
Tartakovsky, M. (2017). 5 Suggestions for Setting Realistic Expectations for Yourself. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 12, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-suggestions-for-setting-realistic-expectations-with-yourself/ 

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