Thinking Of Marriage??

If so, pause for a moment and read this before you go further. 

Marriage is a union of two unique individuals promising to be bound by love and commitment. Preparation for an enriching marriage can begin even before marriage by making sure that we are entering into this phase for the right reasons. An important question to ask oneself when considering marriage is "Why am I getting married? Why does my prospective partner want to get married?" 

Entering into a marriage bond for the wrong reasons or reasons that are quite different from that of your partner could lead to disappointment and frustration, even gradual drifting apart. 

Here are some common reasons for getting married: 

I WANT TO GET MARRIED BECAUSE... 

"There are so many problems in my family ... I want to be free from them" 

"My parents/relatives are forcing me to get married... " 
"I'm getting older, my friends are already married, I should not delay anymore" 
"I am lonely and unhappy, marriage will change all that" 
"I cannot wait any longer to experiment with sex" 
"I'm pregnant. I must marry him even though he does not want to" 
"We have been sexually intimate...now I can't marry anyone else " 
" I don't really love him but he/she loves me so much..." 

"We don't have much in common but I am sexually attracted" 
"I want to have a baby" 
"I feel obligated to him/her" 
"Marriage will make me financially secure " 
"He works abroad, and I've always wanted to live abroad" 
"I have always dreamt about a big wedding" 
"What if I reject this person and no one else marries me?" 
"If I marry, I can be sure my boy/girlfriend won't leave me" 

These are NOT good reasons to get married for several reasons. They are short-lived - once the need is met, or the partner fails to fulfil them, the marriage itself seems to lose its meaning. Some involve unrealistic expectations, and many are based only on one's own desires, not taking into consideration the other partner's needs. Marriages based on these reasons are likely to face problems. 

Some of the RIGHT reasons that could result in a successful and fulfilling marriage are: 

1. You are in love with one another: While love is not the only reason, it is one of the essential ingredients. However, you do need to be aware that love is a feeling and feelings are not long-lasting. Falling in love is not a choice. It happens. But staying in love is a choice and an act of will. 
 
2. Having a common purpose in life: When we have a similar purpose in life, we tend to strive towards achieving them together which adds to the joy. For example, both of you want to start a family unit of your own and raise up children to join your world. Or both of you are adventurous and would like to explore the world or travel together which enhances the joy; you believe that marriage is an institution ordained by God and desire to preserve it for a lifetime etc. The common purpose helps the couple to continue working on the relationship. 

3. A desire for companionship: Significant friendship is at the core of successful marriages. It is the desire to share life with another person, a genuine liking towards each other, the ability to amuse and comfort one another. Companionship has been one of the strong reasons that have preserved many married couples. 

As a result of desire for companionship, there is a will to stay committed in marriage. It is also easier to accept the differences in personality and cope with conflicts. 

4. Willingness to fulfill one another's dreams and needs: One may not be able to meet all the needs but the intention and desire to do so matters most. As spouses meet each other’s needs realistically it would lead to feelings of fulfillment. Unmet expectations have been one of the main reasons for separation and divorce. 

5. You have enjoyed a secure and solid relationship and now want to take the relationship to a higher level of commitment through marriage. 

When a couple has good reasons to marry, the bigger purpose and meaning would hold the couple together or help them strive towards a mature relationship despite difficulties. Even though conflicts may arise, the stronger meaning for their unity would motivate them to find a way to overcome them. 

For example, if it is the companionship the couple is seeking, they would continue to enjoy each other’s presence much later in life even when the partner is no longer so physically attractive. Or they would continue to adore each other despite the person not fulfilling all the desires/expectations; when there are misunderstanding and differences, they would find ways to resolve them together because there is a higher meaning to their existence together. 

So take a look at YOUR reasons for marriage - and if you are not sure that they are constructive ones, perhaps you need to take some time to think it over, and perhaps discuss it with someone who is mature and trustworthy. 

If you are already married and are regretting having married for the wrong reasons, it's not too late. You could work to create a purpose within your marriage that would make both of you strive towards and keep your marriage going. 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 
 
Online Counselling 
Place an online request for an Appointment 

Call 1800-258-8999 / 1800-258-8121