Perfectionism refers to self-defeating thoughts and behaviours associated with high and unrealistic goals.

Compare yourself, who do you see more in you?

A-  set standards that you realize are high and failing is not an option.

B- set high standards, but understand that there could be set backs or failures.

A- never satisfied by anything less than ideal, things have to follow the fixed pattern that you have set out for them there can be no other alternative.

B- enjoy the process as well as outcome.

A- become sad or angry when you experience failure and disappointment, there is a blow to your self esteem when you realize that you have not succeeded.

B- bounce back from failure and disappointment quickly and with energy and see mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning.

A- is very sensitive towards criticism, and may feel hurt or angry. Can be self critical when the expected outcome of a task is not achieved.

B- react positively to helpful criticism.

If you chose most of A, rather than simply working toward success, you may in fact be trying to be perfect - too perfect!

Perfectionism refers to self-defeating thoughts and behaviours associated with high and unrealistic goals. Perfectionism is often mistakenly seen as desirable or even necessary for success. However, recent studies have shown that perfectionist attitudes actually interfere with success. Often when we try too hard to succeed, we lay a lot of pressure on ourselves. This pressure in turn affects the way we function, and reduces our chances of success. This results in a vicious cycle:

You set an unreachable goal-->you fail to meet this goal because the standards were too high -->the constant pressure to achieve the perfected outcome and the inevitable repetitive failure reduce your productivity and effectiveness -->this leads you to be self critical and self-blaming which results in low self-esteem, and possibly anxiety and feeling low about yourself --> at this point you may give up completely on your original goal and set yourself another idealistic goal, thinking "This time if only I try harder I will succeed". And therefore, the vicious circle continues!

The desire to be perfect can deny you a sense of satisfaction and cause you to achieve far less than people with more realistic goals.

Reading so far you may feel that- "Why do I have to lower the standards or the outcome that I set for myself?" "Why should I aim for something that is mediocre or average?"

Abandoning perfectionism does not mean lowering your standards - it merely means changing the views that lead you to those standards.

It does not mean setting yourself up for ordinary goals, it means setting yourself up for the goals and standards that you want to aim for, but with an understanding that getting there does not have to be perfect. Understanding that there may be set backs and failures along the way, but learning from these and overcoming them to finally reach your goal is what you need to focus on.

Causes

If you are a perfectionist, it is likely that you learnt early in life that you were mainly valued for your achievements. As a result you may have learnt to value yourself only on the basis of other people's approval. So your self-esteem may be based primarily on external standards. This can leave you vulnerable and sensitive to the opinions and criticism of others. To protect yourself you may decide that being perfect is your only defense as you feel people will appreciate you more for that.

Perfectionism is often associated with the following:

* Fear of failure. Perfectionists often equate failure to achieve goals with a lack of personal worth or value. 

* Fear of making mistakes. Perfectionists often equate mistakes with failure. In building their lives around avoiding mistakes, perfectionists miss opportunities to learn and grow.

* Fear of disapproval. If they let others see their flaws, perfectionists often fear that they will no longer be accepted. Trying to be perfect is a way of trying to protect themselves from criticism, rejection, and disapproval.

* All or nothing thinking. Perfectionists frequently believe that they are worthless if their accomplishments are not perfect. Perfectionists have difficulty seeing situations in perspective. For example, if you receive a lower grade on your appraisal you may think "I'm a total failure".

* Over-emphasis on ‘should', ‘must', and ‘ought'. Perfectionists often live with an endless list of rigid rules for what they must accomplish. With the emphasis on how everything has to be done, perfectionists rarely listen to what they really feel like doing.

* Never good enough. Perfectionists tend to see others as achieving success with a minimum of effort, few errors, little emotional stress, and maximum self-confidence. At the same time, perfectionists view their own efforts as unending and forever inadequate.

* Perfectionism is like a double-edged sword- it cuts both ways. Perfectionists often don't realize that they are hurting themselves by their own actions. If you think that you are burning yourself out in order to be too perfect and you want to stop, you can!

You can do this by changing the way you think which you can achieve with guidance from professionals. If you feel you need to prevent yourself from burning out, do use our counselling services. We're here to listen and help.

Remember, don't lower your standards. However, try and maintain a balance between- what you hope to achieve, the resources you have, and your own well-being.