Rakhi, a 36 year old mother came in for counselling seeking help for her difficulty in falling asleep. She had a habit of going to bed after watching news / crime stories on TV and thought about it as she lay on bed. She would not only think about it but also become anxious.  Reason: she was taking things too personally and would get worried about what she would do if such things happened to her or her family.

Most of us would agree that Rakhi is not alone. We may be caught up in this pattern of relating things that we see or hear to our own lives and end up feeling anxious and apprehensive.

Is worrying a good thing? You might say why not? It helps you to be alert, be careful, be prepared and take certain precautions. However, is it important to remember that it is one thing to acknowledge a possibility and another to solve uncertainties of life which are beyond our control.

We often find ourselves trying to find answers to similar questions as given below:

What if I don’t have enough money to pay my debt? (Current worry)
What if I forget important points during the presentation? (Current worry)
What if my plane crashes? (Hypothetical worry)
What if I suffer from a serious illness when I grow old? (Hypothetical worry)

The need to constantly find answers to such ‘What if’ questions come from the need of being mentally prepared or to deal with uncertainties of life. How often does such “mental preparation” actually pay off? The answer is almost never. The reason being, such mental preparation or reassurance provides a person with impermanent relief. This temporary relief wears off gradually and the ‘what if’ cycle repeats itself over and again.

Current worries are easier to control as you have some control over the situation. For example you can manage your finances or prepare well for your presentation. However worries about hypothetical situations such as being diagnosed with a terminal illness or plane crashing down, you have almost no control.
One of the main differences between these two types of worries is the amount of control you have over the situation.

Techniques you can try to manage worry:

•  When you notice you are beginning to worry about something that does not lead anywhere, practice thought stopping: say “no” to worry.
• Challenge your worries realistically: are you really going to be ‘fired’ because you were unable to meet your targets or is it an area of your work that needs to be addressed.
• Worry to solve a situation and not about avoiding something which is not under your control.
• Schedule official “worry time”: only ½ hour per day and not at bedtime.
• Practice relaxation and involve physical activities to turn off the stress response that worry causes.