You have a huge amount of work pending and a colleague asks for help with a project. Would you say 'Yes' or 'No'? 

You may find yourself saying 'Yes' when we really want to say 'No' for various reasons: 

You don't want to hurt the other person's feelings. 

The other person is particularly important to you. 

You don't want the person to have a negative attitude towards you. 

You really would like to help but the timing is inappropriate. 

You don't want to explain why you want to say no. 

How to say No 

To be able to say no when you want to, you first have to recognise that you also have personal needs that have to be met. It's also necessary to remember that you can't always please everyone. 

Try the following steps to learn when and how to say No comfortably. 

• Pick one type of situation where you've said yes inappropriately several times during the past few months. Concentrate on this area first. 

• Identify your reasons for saying yes. Are you concerned that saying no might injure the relationship? Are you worried about the other person's feelings? 

• Put together a plan of action for preventing this next time. Prepare yourself for such an occasion, and also think how you would want to respond. 

• Practise your new response. Get in touch with how you sound and feel, as you say no in a skilful and thoughtful way. Rehearse with an involved person who has good judgement. 

• If people are used to you agreeing to all their demands, they may be upset when you start saying 'no'. Be prepared for this and if you are convinced about your stand, stay firm. 

It's not that you should never agree to others' request but know what you want before you decide to say yes. Don't allow yourself to feel compelled to return a favour from a friend. Stop saying yes to people just because you believe saying no will hurt their feelings. 

You can also go through the article How to be Assertive 

 If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 
 
Online Counselling 
Place an online request for an Appointment 

Call 1800-258-8999 / 1800-258-8121