Today, many women in India are stepping out to work, driven by ambition or financial necessity. However, despite this change, household duties remain largely unchanged. Women are still seen as the primary caregivers, expected to manage the home and family even if they hold full-time jobs.  

This burden, often invisible and unacknowledged, is known as "kinkeeping." Carolyn Rosenthal, a professor emeritus of sociology at McMaster University in Canada, coined this term in 1985. It describes the unpaid labour that women do to maintain family connections and traditions. This includes remembering birthdays, planning gifts, organizing family events, keeping track of rituals and customs, and managing household supplies, etc. In Indian culture, these responsibilities are often considered a woman's duty, regardless of her marital status or whether she has children. 

The physical aspect of kinkeeping is undoubtedly exhausting. Organizing a family function for 20 people single-handedly, for example, can be overwhelming. However, the mental toll is equally, if not more, draining. The sheer amount of information and tasks a kinkeeper must juggle is immense, leaving little room for rest and self-care. 

The Hidden Harms of Kinkeeping 

Kinkeeping can be fulfilling for those who take it on willingly and find joy in maintaining family bonds. However, even then, it's essential to prioritize self-care. Without pressure, women can enjoy their role as kinkeepers while also taking care of their mental and physical health. 

On the other hand, when women are pressured into kinkeeping by societal expectations or family demands, the burden becomes overwhelming. The role takes precedence over their own needs, leading to guilt when they consider prioritizing themselves. This unsustainable way of living can cause chronic stress, anxiety, and even depression.  

Reducing the Burden of Kinkeeping 

Changing a system ingrained in our culture for centuries is a slow process, but there are steps women can take to lessen their kinkeeping burden and prioritize self-care. 

• Share household tasks with family members. Encourage your partner and children to take on age-appropriate chores. This not only lightens your load but also teaches responsibility and teamwork. Clear communication is crucial here—set boundaries and clearly state your limits. It’s okay to say no to additional tasks when you're already feeling overwhelmed. 

• Use technology to your advantage. There are many apps and tools available to help manage schedules, set reminders for important dates, and organize tasks. These can significantly reduce the mental load of remembering everything and allow you to focus on more important activities. 

• Seek support from extended family or friends. Don’t hesitate to ask for help, whether it's with childcare, cooking, or other household duties. Sometimes, just talking about your struggles can provide immense relief and practical solutions. 

• Raise awareness about kinkeeping and its impacts within your family and community. Encourage open discussions about sharing responsibilities more equitably. This can help shift societal norms over time. 

Overcoming Guilt and Breaking Free 

One of the biggest challenges women face in reducing kinkeeping duties is overcoming the guilt associated with it. Society has conditioned women to feel responsible for family cohesion, and stepping back from this role can feel like failure. However, it’s important to acknowledge the immense value of your efforts. Understand that the work you do is significant and give yourself credit for all that you manage. 

Recognize that societal expectations are not personal failings. These norms have been ingrained over generations, but they do not define your worth or capabilities. It's okay to prioritize your well-being. Share your feelings with others. You may find that many women feel the same way and can offer support and advice. Talking openly about these pressures can be very liberating. 

Focus on finding a balance that works for you. Taking care of yourself makes you better able to care for others. Balance is key to sustainable caregiving. Set realistic goals and remember that it's impossible to do everything perfectly. Celebrate small victories and progress, no matter how minor they seem. 

By taking these steps, women can begin to alleviate the pressures of kinkeeping and reclaim their well-being. As we continue to navigate the balance between tradition and modernity, it's crucial to support and empower women to take care of themselves while they care for others. The journey to a more equitable division of labour at home is ongoing, but every small step makes a difference.