Rohan and Meera have been dating each other for two years now. They are at a friend's party mingling with people when a guy smiles at Meera and she smiles back at him. When Rohan sees this, he thinks Meera is being over friendly and begins to think that Meera could possibly betray him. Rohan has been feeling this way as Meera had shared with him stories about her former partners, and this has made him feel threatened in the past.

Let's consider another example which many of us could relate to. You and your colleague have joined an organisation at the same time. However, he/she is being given more work and tasks to do, while you are not even considered for such duties. How would you feel then? Would you be fine, would you be sad or would you feel jealous? Let's stay with this feeling of jealousy and then continue to read further to understand why we might have such feelings, as well as how we could try to deal with it in an effective manner.

It is human nature for people to feel jealous from time to time. Most of us can recall instances when we wanted something or someone which we do not have.

Jealousy is angry, agitated worry which becomes problematic when we act out or we wallow in it. It can creep into every aspect of our lives. Of course, sometimes people do have perfectly genuine and justifiable reasons to feel jealous. However, sometimes, jealousy is a misuse of the imagination, and imagination can do a pretty good impression of mimicking reality. I would like to mention that jealously is not necessarily a bad feeling, but it could have serious implications if not dealt with effectively.

Why Do We Get Jealous?

Jealousy can often stem from bad experiences in the past like rejection or betrayal from a loved one. It is said that shame from our past can heavily influence the degree to which we feel insecure and jealous in the present. Sometimes the mind can play games and we begin to over-think every move and action of others. This leads us to fill in the gaps by weaving our own stories, often imagining the worst case scenarios. People who possess traits of paranoia could often feel that they are being victimized and may find it easier to blame others and never take accountability for their own flaws or mistakes.

If you find yourself gripped by feelings of jealousy, take a minute to ask yourself ONE important question:

Where is this jealously coming from? Is it coming from the fact that someone else is boasting about things, your partner is trying to make you jealous (external sources) or is the trigger internal, due to some insecurities you have about yourself?

TIPS FOR HANDLING YOUR OWN JEALOUSY

The first step is to understand the underlying emotions behind it.
Is it due to fear, loss, anger, betrayal, insecurity? Do some calm introspection and work it out. Getting clarity on this may help you find a way forward.

Tackle these underlying feelings.
Question yourself as to why you are feeling jealous. Is there enough evidence to support these feelings? This can help you evaluate your feelings from a different perspective and prevent you from getting stuck in a cloud of negative emotions.

If the jealousy is with regard to your relationship, share your feelings with your partner.
Explain why you are feeling the way you are. If you have acted out badly, apologize. This can actually strengthen your relationship.

Use more of "I" statements when sharing your feelings.
For example, "I am feeling jealous because I feel that what you told this person was not appropriate". This is more helpful than blaming the other person. At the end of the day we are solely responsible for how we feel.

If at any time, dealing with this becomes overwhelming do seek for professional help. A counsellor would be more than willing to help you to find effective ways of how to cope with this and could help you to grow out of these feelings.

If you find yourself stuck, while trying to manage any such concerns, do feel free to reach out to our counselors on 1800 270 1790 or 080 42756888.