"Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots." - Frank A. Clark

No matter who you are or what your job entails, you would have faced criticism at some point in your life. Criticism is defined as judging faults and merits; however, people often forget the positive and focus only on the negative and what they think is "wrong". This makes it difficult for them to accept what is said or even use it as learning or for their benefit.

We can always work on ourselves when it comes to criticizing others; however, it would be difficult to stop others from criticizing us. It is hard not to take criticism personally. Our instinctive reaction is to become defensive and we shut out potential helpful life enhancing tips.

Some of our possible reactions towards being criticized are:

• Anger towards the criticizer for offending us by pointing out our mistakes or weaknesses.
• A blow to our self esteem - we may think that we are not good enough or that we can't do a task correctly.
• We might get defensive. Some of our thoughts could be; "Who the hell is he/she to criticize me?", or "No way can I be wrong! How dare she/he even suggest that I can't do my job well!"
• Extreme emotional reactions - people tend to sometimes have intense reactions, such as withdrawing and getting upset or on the other hand, going through emotions such as irritability, bitterness, resentfulness etc.

Constructive and Non-Constructive Criticism

It is important to be able to distinguish between genuine feedback and a remark that is made to hurt us or one that lacks understanding and compassion.

Constructive criticism would entail critiquing an individual with the intent to help them improve in the future and also raise the bar higher. When we receive constructive criticism, we would have to have a clear understanding of what is expected from us, our role, and what could be done differently.

Non-constructive feedback would aim only at pointing out the mistakes and what is wrong, often with the idea of putting one down, without looking at what can be done differently to improve.

What to Do and What Not to Do when Faced with Criticism

Once we have been able to distinguish whether it is helpful or hurtful feedback, we can keep in mind the following factors:

Stop our first reaction - be calm and composed while listening: If your first reaction upon receiving criticism is to become defensive or to lash out at the person giving the criticism, take a minute before reacting. Take a deep breath, calm down, and give it a little thought. This will allow us to think beyond our initial reaction. It would also give us time to listen and analyze whether the feedback is indeed genuine and helpful, or if it is to hurt and upset us. Getting emotional, upset, or defensive would make even constructive feedback seem like insults.

Criticism is for the work we are doing and not about the person we are: This may be especially relevant at the workplace. Being able to keep this in mind would help us to be more objective and use the feedback to our advantage. Take it as a criticism of our actions, not of who we are as a person. If we do that, we can detach ourselves from the criticism emotionally and see what could be done to improve. Even if the person has been mean or rude, we don't have to be the same way.

Turn a negative into a positive: One of the best qualities in any individual is to find positive aspects in things that most people see as negative. For example, when we are tired of our job we see it as a way to rediscover what's important to us, to review our priorities and to look for a better job. We can do the same with criticism and find the positive side to what we receive. Sure, it may be rude and mean, but in most criticism, we can find a nugget of gold, maybe in terms of honest feedback and a suggestion for improvement. See it as an opportunity to improve; without that constant improvement we are just sitting still.

If you have been able to identify the feedback as helpful, remember to ask yourself what you can learn from this experience: Don't just move on and go back to business as usual. Actually try to improve. See if there is something you can change to make yourself better. And then make that change. If suggestions are not given, we can think of possible steps we can take to improve or reach a specific goal. If we are comfortable we could even ask and clarify expectations. No matter what we're criticized for, if it's something that will help us be successful, we can try to incorporate it in our life.

If we realize the feedback is not helpful: If it is meant to hurt us or pull us down, or used to manipulate, we may then need to ignore and let it go. Not taking it personally and letting it slide helps us to concentrate on our goals and be more focused on our positives.

We don't have to take unjustified criticism: If we feel the feedback is harsh and for no particular reason, we can choose to respond assertively and politely. CAUTION: When we are dealing with a boss/supervisor and it may sound like we are being defensive.

Remember, people can't avoid being criticized or evaluated but they can learn to use it to their advantage and benefit from it. If we rise above the petty insults and attacks and respond in a calm and positive manner, we will be the better person.