There are some parents for whom the children's decision is final. They are open to welcoming the child's choice into their family without any objections. But a large number of parents may not think so. They would prefer to choose their children's spouses and dread hearing that their children have made their own choice. Some of the common oppositions the parents could be having are: 

•     differences in caste 
•     differences in community/religion 
•     differences in the social / economic level of both the families 
•     the horoscopes may not match 
•     disparity in the educational qualifications 
•     the person's job may not be good enough 
•     concerns about personality or habits 
•     love marriage as a concept may not be ok 
 
If any of the above factors play a part in your relationship, you could perhaps look at how it could affect your marital relationship. Preparing for the consequences can indicate to your parents that you are serious about relationship too 
However there are a couple of precautions you can take to gently break the news to your parents. 

• Try to ensure that both you and your partner are ready for your parent to know about your relationship. 

•    Select an appropriate time to talk to your parents. It could be a time when they are not very stressed with other concerns. 
•    If you are particularly close to one parent, maybe you can talk to that parent first and try to make him/her understand your point of view. 
•    When parents are confronted with such conversations, they could frequently become emotional. However you could try and remain calm. 
•    Listen to your parents’ concerns openly and without getting defensive. Remember that they have your best interests at heart. Also the best way to get them to listen to your perspective is to listen to their views first. 
•    After listening to their concerns, evaluate them. Do your parents have some valid points? Have you seriously considered these? Have you thought about how as a couple you would try and overcome any real hurdles? 
•    Be firm in your views. You should know your mind well and put across your thoughts with confidence. 
•    Give them time. Even if they are ok with the idea of you marrying your girl/boyfriend, they may take some time to get used to the idea. So let them take their time. 
•    If there is any cousin/aunt/uncle/grandparent you are close to and who will support you in your decision to marry, one option is to ask for their support and ask them to talk to your parents later. However, make sure that you tell your parents first, for they would most probably prefer to hear it from you than anyone else. 
•    Persist in talking to them. After the initial conversation, maybe you can talk to them about it frequently, so that they realize that you are determined in your decision. 

 
 
Your parents can be enthusiastic over your choice of a life partner, or they can remain firmly disapproving. Whatever you decide to do, it is important to remember that this is one of the biggest decisions of your life - so not something to rush into. Take your time and give time to the ones nearest to you before embarking on the journey. 
 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 
 
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