Having parents live with you can be very comforting, especially for those of us who have close bonds with our parents and siblings. As our parents start to grow older, they may require more support and care than before. In certain situations, they may require round-the-clock care as well. 

We all have expectations for the kind of care we would like to provide to our parents as they grow older. An example of such an example could be - “A good son/daughter is able to care for their parents, meet all their needs and keep them comfortable and happy at all times.” This is a natural expectation for one to have. However, pushing ourselves to meet these consistently while managing other expectations and priorities can lead us to feel weary. Some of us start to feel a sense of guilt in situations where our parents seem distressed, uncomfortable or in pain. It is then that we need to care for ourselves and try and balance our energies the most. 

Here are some ways that you can try and balance caring for yourself and for those in your life, such as elderly parents: 

Don’t do it all alone: For many of us, the responsibility of caring for our parents is so strong that we feel a sense of guilt if we are not their primary caregivers, or if we bring in other people to help care for them. Remember that it is important for you to have your own support system as well and bringing in additional help does not in any way compromise your own caregiving responsibilities. 

One option that some people consider are hiring nurses, daytime or night-time caregivers who can be present with your parent/parents while you may be at work or away on other commitments. Investing some time in getting to know the person will also help you be more comfortable with leaving them with your parents. You could also discuss this possibility with your parents and find out their preferences for a nurse or secondary caregiver in terms of age, gender, and language preferences. 

Involve family members: Many of us also struggle with balancing caregiving responsibilities for parents with siblings. Often, the parents live with one child while they may visit other children over holidays. Or the parents divide their time between children’s homes. Each family has a different arrangement. This may vary depending on where each child is staying and the convenience for the child and parent to live in a particular space. 

What is important here is that siblings agree on their approach to caring for parents and that they are in agreement on how to divide responsibilities. There are different kinds of responsibilities siblings can bear – the physical responsibility of caring for the parents, the financial responsibility of paying their bills or medical expenses, managing the parents’ assets, and so on. 

Siblings can agree on a division of these responsibilities and agree to review these as and when the parents may require more care or the responsibilities in caring for them change or increase. 

Make time with your parents meaningful: It is common and very natural for caregivers to feel worn out and even tired of caregiving at times. Something that helps is to remember that being able to spend time with or around your parents can still be meaningful and fulfilling, no matter what their age or physical ailments (if any) may be. Identifying activities that both you and your parents may enjoy and making time for these is one way to make your time together meaningful. This could be something like watching movies together, planning for small excursions you could make together to places that they like, or even setting aside time each evening to catch up with them. 

Making your time with them more personal can mitigate the disillusionment or negativity that caregiving can sometimes lead to. 

Make time for ‘me’: While balancing multiple roles, do remember that the most important thing in the situation is your own physical and emotional well-being. Caregiving, especially in addition to professional and personal responsibilities, is difficult. 

Try and ensure that you have some time for yourself as often as possible. Whether this is for a physical activity like going for a walk or to the gym, or to engage in a hobby or catch up with friends, this time is special. By prioritizing yourself and giving yourself time to rest and recharge, you gain clarity on your own thoughts, emotions and beliefs in the present situation, and this is turn helps you organize your energy better on a daily basis. 

The bond that we have with our parents is quite intimate and influential. Therefore, the amount of responsibility that we feel towards caring for them as they grow older is naturally quite high. 

Being a caregiver while managing other priorities can be quite challenging at times, so do remember that it is okay to seek support as you care for them. Our counsellors are here to help listen and support you in your role as a caregiver – please do not hesitate to reach out if there is more you would like to know about this topic, or to fix an appointment. 

To connect with a counsellor, click here. 
 
Sources: 

• Jacobs , B.J. (n.d.). AARP® Official Site - Join & Explore the Benefits. Guilt and Expectations When Caregiving for Seniors.Retrieved March 21, 2018, from http://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/info-2017/challenges-adult-children-parents-bjj.html 

• (n.d.). Elderly Parents Care Information For Boomers. Elderly Parents Care and Dealing with Guilt. Retrieved March 21, 2018, from http://www.boomers-with-elderly-parents.com/elderly-parents-guilt.html 

• (2018, March 21). Caregiver Stress Coping | Caregiver Stress - Home | Care for the ElderlyCaregiver Stress | Care for yourself while caring for an aging loved one.. 5 Ways to Keep Guilt from Stressing You Out - Caregiver StressCaregiver Stress.Retrieved March 21, 2018, from http://www.caregiverstress.com/stress-management/family-caregiver-stress/guilt-stress/ 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 
 
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