Picture this - you are a working woman who has 

~a punishing schedule at the office ~ has to pack the best gourmet food in your child's lunch boxes ~ be the dutiful daughter/daughter-in-law who has to take her parents/in-laws for their doctor's appointments and ~ keep track of birthdays/anniversaries in the family ~ make perfect presentations for the annual general meeting ~ attend all the PTA meetings and her child's performances or matches ~ buy ties for her husband because he has no time for it ~ go grocery shopping, keep the maids happy so that they don't quit and keep a perfect home. 
Phew! 

You would think no woman would want this kind of a job profile, but yet this is all in a day's work for a woman in India. Our expectations from ourselves have grown exponentially over the years. They are often impossible to keep up. Maybe part of the hype has come from media where we constantly watch images of the perfect woman who has time to bake exquisite cakes for their child's birthdays, keep an impeccable house, be perfectly groomed, have a perfect body and be that dynamic, efficient professional at work. I think we are reeling under these impossible expectations and it is time to shake ourselves out of this image of a superwoman. 
 
Maybe we should seriously take a look at a less frantic pace and slow down a bit. Here are a few tips to become more real and less perfect! 
 
Be honest with yourself 
Sometimes we are so caught up with living up to impossible expectations that it is easy to slip into the skin of this creature that you no longer recognize. It is time then to shed this skin and admit that there are certain things that are just not working out the way you want them to. And that it is all right. Admitting that you don't feel all that ‘put together' is actually empowering. It takes the pressure off of conforming to a certain image and gives you the freedom to be who you are. 
 
Be assertive 
Not being able to say NO is a malaise with many modern women. We often find ourselves nodding to additional chores when we know that we just cannot afford to juggle any more tasks. Maybe we don't want to hurt someone's feelings by saying no or we may just not know how to say no! Here are some ways to say no in a tactful way - "That just doesn't work for me" or "I really appreciate your invitation for the party but this time I may have to give it a slip. But do let me know the next time in advance and I would be delighted to come" or "My weekends are for the family and I would prefer not to take office calls" or "Much as I would love to, I don't have time to cook for the potluck but I could buy the snacks or the drinks instead." If you practice saying ‘no’ often enough you will soon find that you are enjoying an easier pace in life! 

 
Weigh your options & stay focused 
Make a list of all the tasks on hand, drop the non-essential ones and focus only on the absolutely important ones. This will help you pare down your to-do list and prioritize the important ones. If you have a business presentation to make, then don't multi task by supervising your child's homework or cooking. Stop everything else and focus only on one of the jobs. Research shows that you can only do one physical task at a time effectively. Multitasking however works if you combine a physical task with a non-physical one like doing your laundry or cooking dinner while speaking to a sick friend or catching up with your mother on the phone. 
 
Ask for help 
Women somehow feel that asking for help might make them ineffectual. Or that someone else might not be as efficient. This again points to having unrealistic expectations of oneself and others. Maybe your partner might not pack your children's lunch boxes as imaginatively as you do or may do the dishes in a different way or leave the kitchen messier! Their approach to tasks might be different compared to yours. But if it means more time for yourself and the family, isn't a more messier kitchen or less than perfect living room worth it? So go ahead and ask your partner and children to help out in the household chores or outsource activities like cleaning the fan and windowpanes to an agency. Don't feel guilty about doing take-out once in a while or ask your mother-in-law to help you with the cooking when you are really tired. 
 
Learn to delegate 
Women find it difficult to delegate especially where the kitchen is concerned. Somehow cooking food for the family translates to nurturing for the Indian woman. While cooking for the family is a great experience and gives one a lot of satisfaction, if time is of essence then do invest in good domestic help. Try and find at least two efficient help, a maid and a cook, so that even if one has to play hooky, you will have the other one to help you. Pay them generously and more important, treat them with respect and empathy. Try not to nitpick too much as it is just not worth your effort and time. After all they are your mainstay at home when you are away and will probably be with your children till you are back from work. 
 
Lighten up 
Try not to take yourself too seriously! If you want to enjoy life then don't be uptight and rigid about things. It's all right if your presentation is not so perfect or your cake fell flat on its face! If you make the choice of being more accepting of yourself with all your foibles, your children will be less hard on themselves too. Talk to your children about your failures as well as your triumphs and let them see you laugh at your mistakes. Once in a while, allow your children to slack off their schedule as well. Forget about all the chores and instead, make a big bowl of popcorn and snuggle up with your children to watch a movie of their choice. 

 
While doing things as best as you can is an option to explore, trying to be perfect at every task is too stressful and unnecessary. So don't strive for perfection and focus on going with the flow to be happy. Like George Orwell once said - "The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection." 

You can also go through the article Perfectionism.  
 
 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 
 
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