The phrase ‘It takes a village’ comes from an African saying ‘it takes a village to raise a child’. The phrase refers to the fact that to provide a child the right amount of support, guidance, discipline, information and encouragement often requires inputs from so many people, the number is akin to the participation of an entire village.

As we grow into our twenties and even thirties, we are expected to be independent and able to provide for ourselves. Interestingly enough, some research still refers to this phase of life as ‘Early Adulthood’. Consequently, individuals in this phase of life are still seen to be growing, learning and therefore – still in need of a “village” of support as they move through life.

By this point in our lives, we are expected to be able to attain and hold a stable job, generate an income, and be able to build and support families of our own. However, there are still situations that we encounter that can draw on our emotional and physical energy, and one of the most useful resources at these moments are support systems in the form of people around us that we can lean on.

Typically, the phrase ‘support system’ brings to mind people that we turn to when we are in emotional distress. This would usually be friends or family who know us well and who make the time to hear our problems, provide reassurance and give advice, if necessary.

Social support is seen to be helpful both as a buffer from stressful events, as  having people to go to for help when we need it and as being protective in nature. Being part of a larger community helps to protect you from anticipated difficulties as within the community, information is shared freely, assistance or advice is available from a diverse group of professionals, and we ourselves develop a more resilient mindset as a consequence of being part of a larger community- one of the ‘village’, so to speak.

However, we sometimes require support in more than one form. Below, we discuss briefly four different types of social supports that one can create, and access for themselves.

The first is called ‘Esteem Support’ and refers to people who make you feel respected for who you are and accepted unconditionally. These would include people who make you feel good about yourself, people who you can go to when you feel you have made a mistake and are feeling overwhelmed with negativity, doubt, or simply having a bad day. Often you will find that just speaking to these people will make you feel better – their ability to listen to you and make you feel understood is what makes you feel supported.

• In Your Life: These could be friends or family members that you share a good rapport with, people who you feel safe to confide in and those whose judgement you trust.

​​​​​​The second is ‘Informational Support’. These are individuals who you seek primarily because of the information or guidance that they can provide you. These would be individuals who would be able to support you by providing information as opposed to emotional support.

• In Your Life: This could be people who provide you with information related to solving a problem, such as a senior colleague and/or mentor at work, or even someone who can connect you to simple resources you may need such as a doctor, electrician, grocery store, medical store or other information you may need in and around your locality.

Third comes ‘Social Companionship’. These are individuals that help you feel relaxed and those you go to to unwind. These are people that you may not seek information or emotional support from, but who share similar interests as you and who you enjoy being around.

• In Your Life: These would be people that you could go out with for a meal, watch a movie or a sport together, or even take a class together (such as a dance class, pottery class or even a spinning class). Time spent with such individuals serves as a distraction from our everyday stress and mitigates feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Lastly, we have ‘Instrumental Support’. The previous three levels of support are to do with intangible support, such as providing emotional support, information and companionship. Instrumental support refers to support through doing – someone who is able to support you by doing a task for you such as household chores, provide financial support or any other service that reduces the stress you experience and leaves you with more time for yourself.

• In Your Life: Examples of this could be a family member, friend or neighbor helping out with chores at home or running errands for you or a spouse or roommate who you share financial responsibilities with.

​​​​​​​Therefore, as you can see, we have different types of people around us and each type of person plays a particular kind of role in our lives. The beauty of this is that no matter how different someone may be from us, we can see that each person may have something to offer us, even if it may not directly fit into the categories above. Taking the time to evaluate the different people you currently have as supports, identifying how they are of help and regularly accessing this support is your first step towards feeling more supported. As you build on these connections and also serve as a support to those around you, you will start to feel more secure, supported and protected – well on your way to building your own village!

References

• Tan, S. C.-C. ( February 2002). Support Systems, Psychological Functioning and Academic Performance of Non-Traditional Female Students. Adult Education Quarterly Vol. 52, No.2 , 140-154.
• Wills, S. C. (1985, Vol. 98. No. 2). Stress, Social Support, and the Buffering Hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 310-357.
• Wills, T. A. (1985). Supportive functions of interpersonal relationships. In S. Cohen & S. L. Syme (Eds.), Social support and health (pp. 61-82). New York: Academic Press.