“Amar is the best person I could have asked for! He is an ideal partner”, said Priya to Nikita.

Nikita on the other hand said, “I am happy for you, but I think I made a mistake by saying yes to Sameer. He just seems to be a different person from when we first met. I don’t think I knew why I got into a relationship with him. I thought things would just fall in place once we got together.”

Choosing the right person is one of the most important decisions that one has to make

Have you ever thought on similar lines as Nikita about your relationship? Do you know what parameters you could consider before getting into a relationship?

You desire for the perfect relationship. You have so many thoughts on what your ideal relationship would be like, but realistically speaking, it may not be possible to have all the expectations met in a relationship. This is one decision which involves a combination of both your partner’s and your own personality, expectations, idologies, and shared goals in life. It is a decision which needs to be well thought through from your end and this is also why it is a difficult decision.

Here are some things you may want to consider while choosing a partner.

Reasons For Getting Into a Relationship

An important factor to give a thought to is having the right reasons for getting into a relationship. Often people get into relationships because they may be lonely on their own, have friends who are in relationships or are of a certain age and hence, it is socially important to be in a relationship. However, finding a partner with whom you share goals, interests, values in life and expectations makes a difference. Compatibility is an essential factor which helps couples to enhance the quality of their relationship and bonding.

Realistic Expectations

Another factor you must give thought to are the expectations that you have about your relationship and from your partner. Given the option to write your thoughts down, some people can write an entire book on the pre-requisites they hope for in their partner; and others might not have any expectations. To kick start your thoughts on expectations, you could look around at the relationships of your loved ones, friends and colleagues. It is helpful to articulate those qualities because usually what you admire in others relationships is what you will expect and desire in your own relationship.

From the relationships around you, there are also unpleasant and undesirable qualities that you observe in relationships. You need to be aware of these because you will probably want to avoid them in your own relationship. You can also use this information to think about how you would deal with these unpleasant qualities, should they arise.

Healthy Conflict Resolution Strategies

Every person is different from the other in a number of ways. Problems can arise due to differences in upbringing, backgrounds, traditions, past experiences and personality types. You could discuss with your partner about your conflict resolution style – be it healthy or unhealthy and together come up with ways of managing conflicts in effective ways if and when they arise.

Qualities such as, love, commitment, reactions towards mistakes or errors committed by the partner, attitude towards money, expectations, communication styles, decision making styles, intimacy, sharing tasks, sense of humour, interests, quality time, attitude towards people, attitude towards life in general, values, visions and goals about life together (how you want to plan your life together, what would your belief system be) are topics of discussion which can really help you look into your partner and understand the person well. All these are qualities essential for successful relationships that could be considered and discussed before getting into a relationship.

This article is to help you come to an awareness of points to get clarity on before stepping into a relationship. This is not to say that couples who are dissimilar may not have a healthy relationship. Couples can be poles apart and live happily together. What helps them achieve that is clear communication, transparency and accepting the differences which exist without considering it a flaw in the partner or themselves.

You could take our e-workshop ‘Choosing a Partner’ from the 1to1help.net website to understand your own priorities of qualities, values in your partner and to set realistic expectations about your relationship.