Life comes a full circle and before we know it we find the roles reversed! We become caretakers of our parents and, at least in India, most of us give a lot of thought to this responsibility. While earlier with joint families and single income households, caring for the elders was not a big issue, now with the dynamics of families rapidly changing there are a few challenges. With the advent of nuclear families and both partners working, sometimes in different cities or countries, things are a bit more complex. Apart from the logistical challenges there is the emotional aspect to cope with. Dealing with mixed emotions of anger, guilt, irritation and helplessness at being far away, can also add to the cauldron of worries. Let's look at what we can do to alleviate at least some of our concerns.

Get all the medical issues sorted out
An aging population has its share of health issues from chronic diseases like diabetes, hypertension and cardiovascular problems to Dementia, Alzheimer's and Osteoporosis to name a few! Added to this, falls are quite common and one needs to equip the house and bathrooms with hand holds and skid proof flooring to make it elder friendly. Hence prevention and early intervention is the key to reduced stress as far as medical issues are concerned. Ensure that medical insurances are up to date and take time to read the small print. Regular check-ups are imperative to catch problems early and arrange for appropriate treatment. It is necessary then to build a long term relationship with the attending doctor who is willing to make house calls and someone who your parents or in-laws are comfortable with.

Looking after financial security
Discuss with your parents about financial and other legal matters, ensuring that all their documents are in order and supported with a good insurance coverage. Failing memory is a challenge at this age, so take this into account while you arrange for the same. Nobody likes the idea of being dependent on someone else for their daily needs, so handle these matters with sensitivity and compassion. Maybe you can arrange for their monthly expenses to be remitted into their account or arrange to pay their recurring monthly bills directly relieving them of this responsibility. Since they may experience a failing memory it is important for you to be actively involved and help them to make the right investment decisions.

Share concerns with siblings and partner
There are a lot of changes accompanying the transition into this phase, from medical concerns to living arrangements. It makes sense then to discuss roles and responsibilities early on instead of waiting for the crisis to unfold. Sharing duties with your siblings and keeping your partner involved in the process is important to ease the stress and tension for everyone. Devise a care plan in conjunction with everybody involved and be sensitive about these discussions both with the elders as well as with your siblings/partner. Sharing the responsibility will help you feel less overwhelmed and stressed.

Talk to your parents about their emotions, needs & desires
Some of the feelings that the elderly go through are loneliness, isolation and a feeling of inadequacy. With failing health and diminishing income adding to their woes, they are bound to feel overwhelmed sometimes. The need of the hour is to empathise with them and make them feel loved and needed. Feeling useful is very important for their self-esteem and mental well-being. You could encourage them to socialise with like-minded groups doing what they enjoy, whether it is playing cards, going for yoga classes, bhajans, church meetings, volunteering or anything that helps in giving them a sense of purpose. Research has shown that older people who are socially active live longer and healthier lives. At least once a week spend time with them and share things about your life and work as there's nothing that will give them more pleasure than hearing about your success or well-being. Ask them about how they have been spending their time and make sure that the entire family goes out for a meal or at least spend some quality time together. If you live overseas or in another city, connect through Skype so that they feel that they are a part of your life.

Get good nursing support
In case your parents are confined to their beds due to medical issues, arrange for good home nursing. There are quite a few agencies who provide quality nursing for the aged. It is better to fix someone who comes with credentials even if it means paying more for the service. After all you are handing over the most important people in your life in their care. Arranging good nursing care or a companion is especially important if you live overseas. Have a trusted relative or friend check in on them frequently so that the nurse/companion knows that there is someone keeping an eye on them. You could also explore specialised retirement homes or assisted living facilities for your parents, provided they are open to the idea. Such models will take care of basic medical needs, food, laundry etc and also provide good recreational activities for your parents.

Though caring for an aging parent comes with its share of challenges, with proper support and involvement of everyone concerned, you can bring in tenderness, love and compassion to your family. Our children too will be enriched by the interaction with their grandparents as this relationship is very precious. Do remember that when one grows old, activities that we once took for granted suddenly become difficult. Even crossing the road or going to the bank becomes a challenging task for them. So try and empathise with their concerns however silly it might seem to be for you. After all they have sat up endless nights when you were sick and listened to your woes at school however insignificant. So it is payback time!