Barriers to Intimacy

Let us examine the various barriers that prevent us from building and maintaining honesty and open dialogues with our partner:

1. Lack of Communication: Often there is a misinterpretation and/or misjudgments of the thoughts and needs of the partner, caused due to ineffective communication patterns. Lack of communication can take a toll on the trust and closeness shared between the partners.

2. Lack of Time: Intimacy is a journey, it takes time for each partner to get comfortable and express their innermost feelings in a safe, secure environment. Spending quality time involves what you and your partner do, during that period. Love is spelt T-I-M-E. A person who is not willing to allow for time in an intimate relationship could find it difficult to grow in the relationship.

3. Shyness: Shyness can lead to discomfort in certain situations. But it is not something that cannot be worked upon or improved. If your partner is having difficulty in understanding you, not talking about it can come in the way of building intimacy. Though it is challenging and can be tough, overcoming shyness is a slow and gradual process. If this is something that you or your partner might identify with, it can be further discussed with our counselors.

4. Lack of Awareness: of your feelings and experiences can lead to a lack in effectively recognizing your partner's feelings. It would be important to be aware of how your feelings and experiences are affecting your partner. It would help if you can stay vigilant.

5. Game Playing: We often play mind games with others as we do not want them to see our real self, our true being. For e.g., if I flirt with another person my husband will pay more attention to me.

The good news is there are ways for you to be open, to be involved and to build healthy intimacy with your partner.

• Mutual Trust: Leads to a sense of belief and self assurance for both partners. It lessens the need to hurt each other unintentionally. Trust is to say that I know my partner will never do anything detrimental to me or our relationship.
• Tenderness: Revolves around caring and affection which can be expressed through kind words and a gentle touch.
• Acceptance: Is the unconditional support, devoid of any criticism and judgment in a relationship. It is not always necessary to agree with everything ones partner says or does, but acceptance entails being able to convey disapproval without belittling them. Focusing on positives of your partner and the reasons you first fell in love with them, helps in accepting their shortcomings.
• Open Communication: Involves being free and open with your partner. It is a two way flow of talking and listening, which builds gradually over time and the more one reveals about themselves the more intimate the relationship can start becoming.
• Apologies: We are not perfect and mistakes do happen. However recognizing and taking responsibility for them is a step closer towards changing the impact of the hurtful  behavior caused by you. It is imperative that the apology is sincere.
• Forgiveness: Forgiving your partner helps you to let go of all the pent up bitterness; that need for revenge and constant thoughts of how you were hurt. It would also be important for you to allow that space for your partner to make mistakes.
• Appropriate Boundaries: Are there confines within which you and your partner function in a relationship. These boundaries are created as a couple or individually. It provides the space to say no - especially when the demand placed goes against some of the values, or if it is overwhelming and cannot be handled.

Being in a warm, comforting relationship makes everything worthwhile. Therefore nurturing the relationship is all the more important.