If there was one emotion you could tear and throw away from your life, which one would it be? Chances are that we’ve battled with emotions of anger, sadness and anxiety, not wanting to experience them through life, but somehow, they manage to creep in and we feel like we’ve lost control over our reasonable selves.

The human experience is designed to be whole, complete, full or rich. This completeness demands that we experience a range of different emotions, even the painful ones because they all play a function in our lives.

Imagine experiencing a surge of anxiety on an evening before an important presentation. It is uncomfortable, and may be painful too but it may help in ensuring that the background work for the presentation is looked into. A sudden hit of fear when we’re home could make us double-check if the doors and windows of the house are locked. Emotions motivate us to act in ways that can ensure our safety.

Emotions, just like vision, hearing, touch, taste, and smell can act like an added sense. Sometimes emotions arise to provide us with information before the brain has time to process the information it’s receiving from the other senses (Linehan, 1993b). Sensing shame after an embarrassing event can be very unnerving, but it might also point to a possibility of us improving the way we react in stressful situations.

Take some time to think about your own responses for each of the emotions given below to understand how you experience them-

What causes entanglement?

Since childhood, we have heard about emotions from friends, family, teachers, society, our partners etc. While some emotions were termed good, others were not looked upon as appropriate for us to experience. For example, a woman expressing anger and a man expressing fear might be frowned upon by society. This way, we end up judging ourselves for experiencing certain emotions. This judgement can make experiencing an emotion even more painful than it already is for us. Think about your own ideas about emotions- What emotions are okay to have? Which ones shouldn’t be felt by you?

This judgement that we have about our emotions makes it possible for us to classify emotions as-

• Primary emotions- Primary emotions are what we feel as a result of how we interpret situations. For instance, a cab cancelling at the last minute isn’t what makes us anxious, but our interpretation of that meaning that we will be yelled at work is what makes us anxious.  Just like how there are numerous ways to interpret situations, there are numerous emotions one could feel as a result of the same situation.
• Secondary emotions are the judgements we make about our primary emotions. From the earlier example of feeling anxious when the cab cancels, if one judges themselves for feeling anxious as wrong, they might experience anger for feeling anxious. So, while anxiousness is the primary emotion, anger becomes the secondary emotion. This can make the whole experience a lot harder to handle. It also ensures that we are caught in the ‘emotion web’.

To ensure that you are able to understand and best respond to your emotions, try (W.A.T.C.H) the following-

• Watch your emotions- Make a mental note of the emotion you are experiencing. Remember that noting involves observing and witnessing nonjudgmentally. Acknowledging that you’re experiencing an emotion means describing objectively, how it feels physically, the thoughts, memories, or images that accompany it, and so on. This will help create some distance from it.

• Avoid acting immediately- The emotion that you are experiencing at the moment is not a fact. Since it is an emotion, there isn’t something that you always need to do about it. If you are experiencing an urge to do something in reaction to the emotion that you know will not be helpful, try acting opposite to the urge. For instance, if you are feeling sad and have the urge of spending the weekend away from people, act opposite to the urge by making plans and asking for support.

• Think of your emotion as a wave- Without you having to push the emotion away, it will subside naturally.

• Choose and allow yourself to experience the emotion. This involves giving yourself permission to experience it, and understanding that it is okay, natural for you to be experiencing the emotion, given all that you might have gone through. Speak to yourself to soothe yourself while you’re allowing yourself to experience the emotion.

• Helpers- Emotions help us in the long-run. They teach us important things about ourselves and life.

References

Dijk, S. V. (2012). DBT made simple . Oakland : New Harbinger Publications, Inc. .