Have you seen the hit movie “Kapoor and Sons”? It is winning accolades for breaking all the stereotypes of the typical Bollywood movie. For starters, it is a movie where the brothers aren’t perfectly brotherly, and we see a family where not everyone loves each other perfectly without a flaw. It is a movie that has tried depicting a ‘real’ family with real issues, including touching on a topic that often gets swept under the carpet – that homosexuality can be part of any family.
But then it is a movie – a fictional tale. Does it really reflect what happens in our society – especially at the workplace?
Consider this: Ramesh was being given a farewell when he was transferred to another location. It was quite sentimental as the group was close, and as everybody gave speeches, Ramesh was moved to tears. Noticing that, Shahana, trying to console him, said in an attempt at light humour, “Arre! You are crying! Be a man! Gay ho kya?” Most of the team, including Ramesh, burst out laughing but the one gay person in the team. Aditya had to try hard to laugh and look as if nothing hurtful was being said, though he cringed and wondered if there would ever be a time when he could be himself? As it was, he was already struggling with family acceptance and now being laughed at in the workplace. All he could do was pretend.
This little vignette is representative of the struggles and the dilemma which, if statistics are to be believed, approximately 10% of our workplace employees who belong to the LGBTIQ community go through, and in a larger sense, so do people with other diversity factors. Like in the story above, it does not take intentional hostility towards any gender or sexuality to make a workplace oppressive. We do tend to carry our biases, apprehensions, misinformed sense of humour etc. into the workplace, especially in the small and everyday details – like making fun of a movie star’s gender non-conformance, or saying “That’s so gay!” for something we find silly, or passing on a ‘joke’ about Gayle and his incredible performance that unfortunately belittles both queer people and sexual assault. Needless to say, if this continues, it may lead to people like Aditya leaving the organization for no other reason, except the feeling of being excluded if not targeted.
So who is responsible at a workplace to ensure openness and inclusion? While a part of the ownership lies with the leadership and human resources, it is every employee’s responsibility to ensure team members around them feel included – feel like they can be themselves. Understanding and embracing differences can be challenging at first, but with an open mind and the willingness to learn as a strong starting point, we certainly can achieve it.
Taking Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex and Queer (LGBTIQ) group as a case in point, what can each of us do to ensure a more LGBTIQ friendly workplace? The following are some basic things we can all do:
Avoid jokes, comments or commentary at the workplace which are sexual in nature
- People’s gender and sexuality are not matters of speculation. Please do not gossip about anybody’s orientation or identity.
- One needs to respect each individual’s right to be themselves.
If someone ‘comes out’ to you, hear them out, listen, and understand what they are telling you.
- Respect the faith they have placed in you and treat the information as confidential. Do not share the information unless the person gives you explicit permission to do so. Remember it is their information to share or not as they choose.
- Try and be supportive. Helpful responses include… ‘Thanks for letting me know,’ or ‘That helps me understand you better, thanks’ etc. Saying ‘I knew it!’ or ‘I suspected it’, or worse ‘I am sorry’ are not acceptable responses.
- If you don’t know much about LGBT identities, and are unsure what to do with the information, please do let them know with tentativeness, (and hopefully warmth and acceptance) that you may need help to understand what they are saying.
- If you are very uncomfortable with the whole topic as such, or your discomfort is very visible, please share it with as much of warmth as a self-disclosure. Something like, "You may notice that I am somewhat nervous – This is a new environment for me and please excuse it," or "I am sure you have been in situations with people who are unsure of how to be with you, I hope you can help me learn.”
We all certainly have differences. It would be unrealistic to assume that we know exactly what it is to be someone else. What is important though, is to remember that any of the difference, especially once such as gender or sexuality, while it is an important part of their identity, it is only one aspect of the person. All of us are looking for a respectful workplace where each individual can explore their merit and potential as fully as they can, and it is everyone’s job to ensure that our workplaces are warm, open and inclusive.
If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help.
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