Sometimes, a relationship that starts out well turns sour. It is not always easy to recognize if you are in an abusive relationship. Some of the signs of abuse can be mistaken for intense feelings of caring and concern - for example, extreme jealousy. But actually excessive jealousy and controlling behaviour are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect, trust and consideration for the other person. 
 
 
WARNING SIGNS 
 
You could be in an abusive relationship if your partner: 

•Is extremely jealous and possessive towards you, won't let you have friends, checks up on you, or won't accept breaking up 
 
•Tries to control you by giving orders, making all the decisions, telling you what you should and should not wear 
 
•Is violent, has an explosive temper or loses temper quickly 
 
•Treats you roughly - grabs, pushes, pinches, shoves or hits you 
 
•Pressures you or is forceful about sex 
 
•Isolates you from friends and family and puts down people who are important to you 
 
•Gets too serious about the relationship too fast and to the point that they do not give you personal space. 
 
•Blames you when he/she mistreats you and tells you that you provoked him/her 
 
•Calls you names; makes you feel stupid, tells you that you cannot do anything right 
 
•Humiliates you in front of others 
 
•Abuses drugs or alcohol and pressures you to use them too 
 
•Makes frequent promises to change or says that he/she will never hurt you again 
 
In addition, if your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you they were worried about your safety - take time to listen to and think about their views. 
 
You might find it difficult to evaluate these warning signs objectively if you are already emotionally involved. In that case, it would be helpful to ask a trusted friend (who knows you both as a couple) to go through the above points and give you an unbiased opinion. 
 
If someone with whom you are involved or have been involved in the past is abusing you, remember, you are not alone and it is not your fault. You may feel confused and scared about what is going on. But, you need to deal with it, because the abuse is likely to get worse over time. It does not go away just because your partner says he/she will stop the abuse. 
 
Remember, when one person scares, hurts or continually puts down the other person, it's abuse. 
 
 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 
 
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