If you can't love someone without feeling afraid, it's time to get out of the relationship - fast. 

Sometimes, a relationship that starts out well turns sour. It is not always easy to recognize if you are in an abusive relationship. Some of the signs of abuse can be mistaken for intense feelings of caring and concern - for example, extreme jealousy. But actually, excessive jealousy and controlling behaviour are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect, trust and consideration for the other person. 

In both the examples below there are positive aspects to the relationship along with the abuse: 

"My boyfriend always tells me that I am fat and good for nothing. He gets angry for no reason and becomes very violent. He sometimes hits me. He always apologizes after he calms down and tells me that that he hit me only because I did something that angered him and that he loves me a lot. But I never know what to do or what not to because he gets angry for all kinds of things. Whenever we are together, I feel I have to be very careful of what I say and do and this is creating a lot of stress." 
 

"My girlfriend gets very angry with me if I talk to my friends, even my male friends. She loves me very much and wants me to spend all my free time with her and her only. She sometimes even makes fun of me and humiliates me in front of them. When I bring it up, she says it is because she doesn't want anyone else to love me. When I get angry with her, she promises she will change but it keeps happening. She also likes to decide what I should wear because she says I have no dress sense. I am not happy with that because it is like she is controlling everything I do. I know all this is happening because she loves me very much, but I don't like the fact that I have no say in anything." 

Abuse can happen in relationships before marriage and even after marriage. Abuse can take different forms. It can be physically hitting and causing physical pain and it can also be emotionally controlling a person. All kinds of abuse - physical, emotional, sexual and financial are wrong and this is not something that anyone should have to go through. 

If someone with whom you are involved or have been involved in the past is abusing you, remember, you are not alone, and it is not your fault. You may feel confused and scared about what is going on. But, you need to deal with it, because the abuse is likely to get worse over time. It does not go away just because your partner says he/she will stop the abuse. 

If you are confused about whether what you are going through is indeed abuse, take this quiz. 

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, it is important to seek help. And even if the relationship is not clearly abusive but there something about the relationship that makes you uncomfortable, reach out to a counsellor.We are here to help. 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 
 
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