If you have ever looked up the word “Millennial” on the Internet, you would have been bombarded with articles on millennials not being able to adult or how bad they are at adulting. On the contrary, you will probably not find a lot of literature on why adulting is difficult for millennials. Society and culture teach us that to be a successful adult, we need to get married by a certain age, buy a house, a car, take care of our parents, become financially stable, etc.

No matter how much young adults try to achieve all of this, they are invariably criticised, questioned or compared to their previous generations. Whether it’s for using their phones too much to not being able to manage finances, they have probably heard it all. However, no one seems to ever give it a thought as to why this is so hard for them.

Let’s look at the challenges faced by millennials and try to understand why it’s hard to be a millennial today. 

• They Have To Be Independent, But Moving Out Is Not Encouraged

We expect them to be independent and take care of themselves. However, parents, families, and even society encourage them to stay at home until they get married, or they get a job in another city or have to travel abroad. In such a scenario, becoming self-sufficient and independent can be extremely difficult. There is a fair amount of judgment attached to this too. 

What can be done about it: Perhaps pointing this out to the families, taking the responsibility to do their chores, paying bills and managing finances whenever possible can help them become self-sufficient earlier on.

• They Inherited A Bigger Financial Burden Than The Previous Generations

They’re often given the advice that they need to invest by 28, buy a house by 30, and clear their credit card bills by 35. To do that, they need to land “ideal jobs,” and for that, they invest in education by taking student loans - these debts are a lot more than what previous generations had to pay. The struggle to pay off student loans, save for the future, or invest in the present becomes a battle for the millennials. 

What can be done about it: Deciding on a financial goal and setting aside a benchmark for future investments can help one deal with this economic pressure. Consulting a financial advisory to look at how to manage finances may help as well.

•  The Need To Do Well In The Future Affects Affects Their Present

Struggle for power and the need to get ahead in the race over time has forced millennials to put off marriage, relationships, and other personal affairs. It has motivated them to focus more on careers, savings, etc. So how would they know where, when, and how to strike a balance? You might also notice that many millennial marriages are hanging by a thread. This might be due to the pressure to satisfy all of the expectations, or due to an unhealthy work-life balance, or both. 

What can be done about it: For a person to take care of themselves most healthily, they need to live in the present more than in the past or future. This doesn’t necessarily mean not planning for the future instead it signals that one must strike a balance between the present and the future.

• They Have Inherited A Very Uncertain World From Their Predecessors

In an economic and politically uncertain world, the fear of judgment and unrealistic expectations from others and ourselves make adulting difficult. Adulting the way their elders did is tough for the millennials. 

What can be done about it: Practising self-compassion is a way of tackling the pressure put by unrealistic expectations.

• They Are Often Seen As Lazy And Entitled

Ridiculed continuously in the media as a lazy and entitled generation, the millennials are working harder and longer than their predecessors. With technology becoming an all-consuming part of our world, they also have to manage and nurture their online presence and brand in order to do well in today’s job market. The constant pressure to do well and get the perfect career pushes them to the edge of exhaustion. 

What can be done: While these reasons make it pretty evident why it’s hard to be a millennial in today’s world, here are a few things that can help get one the right perspective.

• Practising Self-compassion: Kristin Neff, a researcher on self-compassion, talks about how self-compassion is more beneficial than self-esteem. Since it is associated with greater emotional resilience, self-compassion allows a person to be kind to themselves, accept themselves and work on their goals. Which is different from most situations because we find ourselves being critical and judgmental, which adds to what everyone else is saying and forces us to feel worse. According to Neff, self-compassion involves self-kindness, mindfulness, and shared humanity.
• Being mindful of our choices: William Glasser argued that all choices are made to satisfy five basic needs- survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. He stated that the freedom to choose is up to us, and only our choices allow us to shape life in the manner that we want to. Our options may get us what we want but choosing one thing means giving up on another. Our choices/decisions might not always be the right ones or the most pleasant ones, but it’s what would satisfy our basic needs.

Sources:

• Mizzi, J. (2018, January 26). Signature Reads - Making Well-Read Sense of the World. For the Millenials Who Feel Overwhelmed: 15 Books on Adulting. Retrieved July 20, 2018, from http://www.signature-reads.com/2018/01/millennials-feel-overwhelmed-books-on-adulting/
• Matchett, C. (2017, February 4). Elite Daily. Why Millennials Are Bad At Adulting. Retrieved July 20, 2018, from http://www.elitedaily.com/life/millennials-hard-adulting/1778099 
• Firestone, D.L. (2016, October 29). Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. The Many Benefits of Self-Compassion | Psychology Today. Retrieved July 20, 2018, from http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201610/the-many-benefits-self-compassion