Madhulika has received a note from her 11 year old son, Sumit's, class teacher, asking for a meeting. She is not surprised as she had been anticipating something of this sort. Of late, Sumit's grades have been falling. He has also been complaining about his class and that the teacher picks on him.

The dilemma of course is how to tackle this meeting. Madhulika realizes that Sumit could be at fault but also senses that the teacher may not be handling things the right way. She would like to address these concerns but at the same time she would not want the meeting to become a shouting match.

Madhulika is on the right track. Parents need to realize that their child's teacher is one of the other most important and influential adults in their child's life. In most cases, your child's teachers are qualified educators who will help him/her to grow and prosper as the school year progresses. If there truly is a problem that needs to be solved, it will benefit both you and your child if you handle it in a calm and respectful way that isn't accusatory or attacking.

Let's face it - most children do not breeze through the school years without problems. There are bound to be issues with grades, homework, behavior, a classmate or even a particular teacher's approach to dealing with the kids under her care. When that point comes, some level of parent-teacher collaboration is going to be necessary.

Pointers for Handling Parent-Teacher Meetings

Arrive Prepared

Before the meeting, jot down a few points you want to cover, questions you want to ask, and concerns you have. The teacher will see this as a sign that you are taking the meeting seriously.

Your conversation with your child's teacher is a two-way street. You are there to get information about your child's education and how you can support the process. You are also there to provide the teacher with information about your child, his home life, special needs and circumstances that can help the teacher teach him better or understand why he behaves a certain way.

Talk to Your Child First

Talk to your child before meeting her teacher. Ask her if there's anything she'd like you to bring up. Also, ask her how she feels about the meeting. Sometimes kids feel embarrassed or worried that their parent is going to speak to the teacher about them. They may wonder whether the teacher will get angry with them or treat them differently based on what the parent has said. Be clear with your child about the purpose of the meeting and the content you will be sharing with the teacher.

Be Punctual

It may not be easy to take an hour-and-a-half out of your busy schedule, but your child's teacher works full time at the school and has various other commitments. Unlike offices, schools have a very structured minute to minute schedule. If you arrive half an hour early or late don't expect the teacher to abandon a class to meet up with you.

Start Out Positively

If you are thinking of bringing up complaints about your child's teacher, don't start off the discussion with a negative. Bring up one or two examples of his or her teaching that you are happy with. Then approach the negative. Try not to nitpick or make your complaints too personal. Emphasize why you feel it's not best for your child. Don't let your emotions take over the conversation. Be careful not to undermine the teacher's authority. Even if you're feeling negative towards your child's teacher, try not to let her know that. Remember, the teacher may be on her guard too.

Don't Be Defensive

If the teacher brings up problems your child is having, don't be quick to offer excuses and don't get defensive. Ask questions, ask for specific examples of the problem and then ask what you can do at home to help.

Take Notes

Take a paper and pencil with you and be prepared to take notes. After the meeting, immediately talk to your child about what was said.

Put the Plan Into Action

Implement any changes you discussed with the teacher. Check with your child regularly to see how it's going. Be gentle with your child and allow time for him/her to adjust to changes in the routine or study style.

If you want to be involved in your child's education you need to put in some time every day rather than getting worked up when you see the report card. Talk to your child every day about what happened at school, go through his notebooks regularly and praise him if he's got a good grade, positive remark, or neat handwriting. Even praising small things can make a big difference to a child's self-esteem.

Don't be unduly harsh about your child's mistakes. Be positive even about the negative remarks or mistakes that you may observe in your child's work. The most important point to emphasize is that mistakes should be utilized to learn. There is no point in criticizing the teacher or the child as it only undermines the child's confidence and self-esteem. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Helping your child recover from mistakes now will help him/her manage blows to the self-esteem later on in life.Try not to highlight the child's negative behaviours at home to the teacher such as not putting toys back, not keeping room tidy, eating slowly and so on.

Remember others would think about your child the way you reflect your thoughts about your child.

After the meeting, you might want to send the teacher a thank-you note or e-mail, restating the plans for improvement. It will show her you respect her taking the time to talk with you.

Madhulika need not have any apprehensions about the impending meeting with the teacher. Mature adults set up meetings to address problems and arrive at solutions.

The best kind of parent-teacher meetings take place in the spirit of information exchange and cooperation. It helps to keep in mind that both the parent and teacher ultimately want what is best for the child. Both are on the same team, working for the betterment of the child.