Children exhibit certain typical signs of stress and if you are reasonably attentive, you can pick up these signs. Some of the common things to look out for are physical manifestations like headaches, stomach aches, vomiting, changes in sleep/eating patterns and maybe bedwetting in younger children; behavioural and emotional outbursts like tears, irritability, temper tantrums, withdrawal or even bullying. Teenagers and older children might manifest their stress in terms of being disobedient, rebellious and hurtful in their verbal comments. 

Common stressors that children often face 

• Feeling left out - Research indicates that this is the biggest worry for children of all ages. Being accepted by their peers fosters a sense of belonging and being left out of the group can be devastating for them. 

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• Family Dysfunction - Any issues that the family faces like a divorce, constant parental conflicts, unemployment or illness can have a negative impact on children and make them feel extremely insecure. 

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• Performance pressure - These pressures could be based on studying for exams and performing well, excellence in sports or pressure to follow a career that parents wish for their child. Often children anticipate the outcomes of not performing well which could include parental punishment, withdrawal of approval and care by parents, or feeling as if they have disappointed their parents, or are not smart enough. 

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• Social pressure - The media plays a role in making children overly conscious of their physical appearance - the need to look attractive, wear clothes that make them 'fit in' and choose certain kinds of brands. Today, apart from peer pressure, children have to contend with pressure to be a certain way. 

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• Bullying - This is not a new stress factor but bullying has taken on a new, more dangerous turn. It is not just the class bully that they have to contend with, but also bullying from cyberspace especially from social networking sites and instant messenger services. 

Stress takes our children on an emotional roller coaster just like it does for us. Some of the emotions that they go through as a result of stress are sadness, anxiety, frustration, anger, helplessness, fear and loneliness. Sounds familiar? And since they may not have the necessary coping skills, the danger is that they often turn to the wrong company, engage in unhealthy eating, face weight gain, experimentation with alcohol and narcotic substances, feelings of stress and anxiety and poor self-esteem. 

 There are enough reasons for us to take serious note of this issue and equip our children with the right coping strategies. 

Here are some strategies that are easy to implement 

1. Listen -Encourage your child to talk about issues bothering them. Instead of having a formal 'talk-to-me' session, provide informal opportunities for them as it makes it easier for them to open up. Spend time with your child- talk about school, activities, and how they feel about peers and teachers. Support an open environment at home where a child can talk about other issues apart from studies (e.g. questions about growing up, morals, ethics, boy/girlfriends, hairstyles and tattoos etc) without fear of rebuke, being judged or told it's taboo. After they have been heard out, you could talk about your comfort levels, and ideas related to your own years of accumulated wisdom and negotiate accordingly.  

2. Demonstrate affection - While we are generous with our hugs when children are young, somehow we lose this ability to physically demonstrate our affection as they grow older. However old the children are, even with reticent teenagers, an affectionate hug goes a long way in showing them your love. 

3. Enjoying other activities - Encourage your child to go about some of their other activities and interests. Sports, debate and public speaking as well as art activities can contribute to a sound growth of body, personality and boost creativity. 

4. Talk about balance- Allow your child to choose their favourite subjects and evaluate their own strengths. At the same time, you could emphasize that while they enjoy and find some subjects easier, other parts of their curriculum cannot be neglected.  

5. Encourage healthy eating - Often eating the wrong kind of food adds to the stress. Remember the old adage of a healthy body housing a healthy mind! 

6. Role play - When children share their problems with you, try not to jump in and offer advice. Instead, dialogue and role play different ways of handling stressful situations. This will also help develop problem-solving skills. 

7. Plan a fun-time ritual - It is easy to get trapped in the daily humdrum of life and ignore leisure activities or push them away for another day. But that day never does dawn. So plan a special time alone with your child as a monthly ritual, maybe just for ice cream or a meal at a place that he/she enjoys or just cycling or trekking somewhere together. If you do this religiously, your child will not find it difficult to confide in you when the need arises. 

8. Facing failure - Your child needs to understand that failures are a part of life and that making mistakes is fine as long as learning from them is a part of the experience. Your unconditional support is important to enable your child to get this message. Offer and remind your child of your unconditional acceptance. Often children don't realize that, for their parents, love trumps all and parents are proud of their children and their abilities. 

9. Be a role model - Children absorb what parents do and say at a subliminal level. So if they see you healthily handling stress and talking about it, they will do the same. Of course, when you do share your feelings, take care not to reveal more than what the child can handle. You can model healthy stress management skills like deep breathing, relaxation, making time for exercise etc, and your child will soon pick up the right tools to manage stress. 

10. Borrow from fiction - There is plenty of children's fiction available today that deal with issues ranging from failure, illnesses in a family, separation to bullying and low self-esteem. You could first read it yourself to check age appropriateness and then have your child read and discuss with you his feelings about the characters. Stories often are a good way to get children to get in touch with their own feelings and talk about them confidently. Puppetry and art, work similarly for younger children. 

11. Journalling - Encourage your children to keep a journal where they can write down their feelings, thoughts and experiences. It can be an extremely therapeutic tool to de-clutter the mind and help them think through and recognize the real issues. 

12. Ground yourself- As a parent is crucial to help your kids remain calm. When you stay composed during challenging situations, you model emotional regulation for them. Take deep breaths, use positive language, and show empathy to create a calming environment that encourages your children to manage their emotions effectively. 

Children who grow up in a nurturing and supportive environment show greater resilience and better coping skills. While you cannot protect your child totally from stress, just prepare a strong safety net for them using some of these strategies. So even if they fall, the safety net that you have spread will help them bounce back. And just maybe, you can recreate the carefree days for your child.....or recapture your own childhood. 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 

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