After yelling, punching or scratching each other they will probably come to you with "Ma! He's hitting me". "But she pinched me first!"... Sounds familiar? 

Some parents respond, "You work it out yourself"; others tend to blame the older child without finding out what happened. 

Here are some ways to help work through them and prevent too much bitterness. 

• Parents should aim at being as fair and impartial as possible. 

• Establish some ground rules that apply in all circumstances.  

• Set examples of fairness by not taking sides with one child during fights and being mindful of harsh words and punishments used. 

•  The children will not be allowed to make fun of each other in a destructive way. 

• The older child is not to tease or bully the younger child. 

• The younger child should not be allowed to trouble the older child or disrupt his/her activities. 

• Do not insist that the children play with each other. 

• If possible, give each child a separate place to keep his/ her personal possessions (cupboard, desk or shelf). The sibling is not allowed to touch this or take anything without permission from the owner. It is very frustrating for a child who has taken great care of his/her possessions to have them carelessly destroyed by a sibling. Of course, the children would also have items that belong to both and which they must share. 
   

• Allow children to settle their own quarrels. If they are unable to resolve a conflict on their own or if one child continuously takes advantage, you could mediate, but be fair. 
   

• Don't always insist that the older child give in to the younger one. The older child becomes resentful and the younger child will expect to get away with anything. 

• Keep your sense of humour------you will need it! 
   

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 

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