One reason for abuse is if a parent considers physical abuse appropriate to children’s education i.e. believing “You’ve got to let them know who the boss is.” Another common reason is because parents lack sufficient resources to tackle a situation or don't have strategies for achieving what they want i.e. “Nothing else works.”
Parents at times are also not skilled at interpreting the situations in which they are using physical discipline and feel that it is a good way to keep control over their children’s behaviour. Physical discipline may also be the only form of disciplining that parents are familiar with i.e. “My parent spanked me and I turned out okay.”
Many a time parents also bring home emotions from other areas of their life and find it difficult to respond appropriately if their child is being demanding or challenging.
What can parents do to refrain from physical abuse?
If as parents we recognize that we may be abusing our children, there are some steps that we can take to try to halt this pattern.
Admit that spanking and punishing is not ideal because it is more effective in relieving the parent’s frustration than in teaching the child self-control.
Learn some good ways to express your anger. Parents usually spank and punish children when they are angry. Angry parents may not realize how hard they are striking the child or how cruel their words are.
Take a time out yourself.
Count to ten.
Listen to music.
Take a walk.
Call a friend.
Calm yourself before you try to calm your child.
Calm yourself before you discipline your child.
Get help if you feel you might be abusing your child. Speaking to a counsellor can help.
If you know of a child who is being abused, do see if you can report it, get the extended family involved or help the child in some way.
You can read our article on “When Punishment becomes Abuse”, To understand your method of disciplining better.
Do feel free to discuss your concerns and parenting difficulties with our panel of counsellors, online, via telephone or face to face.