Here are some tips to handle the situation with your child effectively.

Listen Calmly
The best policy is to be patient. A child's complaints could be the result of a particularly bad day, her frustration with a difficult test or assignment, or embarrassment over being disciplined in front of the class. Just listen. Bite your tongue if you are about to be dismissive, and resist the temptation to give a lecture about how it must have been her fault. Rather it helps to listen and let the child express her feelings. Be empathic and reassuring.

Ask Questions
"What did the teacher do that upset you?" "What time of day did this happen?" "What could your teacher do to make it better?" The answers will help you figure out if this is your child's problem or a conflict with the teacher. Here you're just gauging if the complaint is really justified. See if your child repeats the complaint or if it's just a one-time occurrence.

When to Take Action
If you've heard this complaint a few times and the child seems to be struggling, it can have a serious effect on his learning. Watch for your kid's ability to bounce back. Your child may be upset now, but the key is to watch to see how long it takes for him to bounce back. Is he still upset an hour later? Does he have trouble going to sleep that night? Does he say he doesn't want to go to school the next day? The longer the complaint lasts or the more intense the stress, the more you should pay attention. If complaints cease or your child skips off to play video games ten minutes later, great. Move on. If he doesn't, and the stress lasts (or becomes more intense), if complaints continue, seem justified, or your child can't shrug off intense feelings, then it's time to take action.

Help Your Child Find a Simple Solution
For example, if he has poor grades because he is not regular with his studies or homework assignments, help him understand this and make a plan to rectify it. If he gets in trouble for talking to a chatty classmate, tell him to ask the teacher if he can move his seat. Or teach your child polite ways to tell his classmate that he does not wish to talk right now while class is going on.

Get a Perspective From Other Parents
Talk to some of the other parents to see if their children have expressed similar concerns. Is your child alone with his complaints? Are the complaints justified? Perhaps the teacher yells at everyone or picks certain children too frequently or assigns too much homework. It's important that you don't just jump to conclusions and take action before you get the story from all sides.

When to Meet the Teacher
If the complaints last at least a week or if you see a sudden change in your child's behavior (i.e. he becomes more anxious and clingy, has trouble sleeping, or starts refusing to go to school), set up an appointment with the teacher. Let her know that you have some concerns that you want to share and that you hope you can resolve them together.

Start On a Positive Note
Briefly describe the problem and stick to the facts as you know them. Use caution and listen to the teacher's side. Once you've expressed your concerns, ask her what the two of you can do to solve the problem. Letting the teacher know that you are willing to work with her, and not against her, will go a long way towards producing results.

Stay Calm and Stick to Facts
Tell your side of the story from a factual point of view. It may also be helpful to have a written record of the complaint and any steps or actions that you have taken up to that point. By the end of the meeting, you and the teacher should come up with a positive solution. Avoid criticizing the teacher, even if you feel she is in the wrong. This will simply make her defensive and hostile, and your chances of arriving at a solution grow slimmer.

The best parent teacher meetings are those in which both parent and teacher stay calm and try hard to work together to help the child do well. Arguing or blaming each other for problems your child is having, helps no one.

Not all your concerns may be resolved in the first meeting, but something very important will have been established - the parent-teacher relationship.

If you would like further help with this or any other issue, please contact us for counseling.