SELF HELP RESOURCE - Parenting / General

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Poet Khalil Gibran quoted ''our parents bring us into the world, but in the end, we are responsible for what we become'' and what we become depends on the choices that we make. 

Have you ever wondered that every day you make a thousand choices, right from small choices such as what to eat for breakfast to what to wear for work to big decisions such as how to make a presentation for a client or what course your child should choose? Some of these choices have a small impact on us but there are others that can change our life forever. The choice to be a parent is one of them. How you bring up your children and what choices you make for themwill have a big impact on their future. How often then do you make intentional choices in parenting your children?

What is an intentional choice?
Making intentional choices means to be thoughtful and deliberate in the choices that you make, and taking responsibility for them. It means to be aware of your choices and not just react to things that life throws at you. An intentional choice in parenting is about thoughtfully choosing significant actions that encourage mindful growth in your children. 

The first step in making intentional choices is to realize that there are options from which you can choose.

A mother of a new born child may be wondering about the right time to join work and whether to leave the child in a day-care or take help from parents or in-laws. A father of a teenage child who is in the 10th grade may be worried about what course their child should choose and what coaching classes they should attend. Another parent may be concerned about their child’s eating habits and wonder what foods they should choose. Be it any concern, it is important to understand that you always have multiple options from which you can choose. 

You do not have to accept choices dealt to you, you can make your own. Instead of trying to choose the most perfect one, try to choose the best one for your child and you under any given circumstance. For instance,leaving your child with your parents or in-laws while you are at work, may be what you want.But if they are not available then the best option would be to choose a day-care which meets your child's needs. You need not feel guilty about it and know that you are doing the best you can. 

The next step would be to weigh the impact of your choices.

Parenting is definitely not an easy task and most parents are paranoid about doing everything perfect. But is there a perfect way? Think about your own childhood and how your parents raised you. It is possible that both you and your partner may have had a very different upbringing. The way you want to bring up your child may be very different from what your partner does. The key then is to understand the kind of parenting you both want your child to have and then being on the same page with your partner when it comes to making choices for your child. 

Weigh your choices and understand how it would impact your child. Something which worked for your first child may not work for your second child. For instance, your first child may have loved the appreciation he or she got while reciting nursery rhymes or dancing to a song to an audience, but your second child may be very shy and prefers not being noticed by others. Enrolling your first child in a dance class may enhance his or her skills but if you do the same with your second child, it may not work. Being sensitive to their feelings and their likes and dislikes can help us in making the right choices for them. If you are in doubt about how certain choices may impact them, consult with a specialist. It could be their school counsellor, doctor, teacher or your therapist. Remember, you are not alone in deciding what is best for your child.

The last step would be to take responsibility for the consequences of your choices.

Taking responsibility for our choices means to move into the driver’s seat and take onus of our life rather than passively feel like a victim and react to it.It is easy to take credit for our choices when the consequences are positive. But the moment we encounter some hurdles we look at ways to blame others and complain about things being unfair. 

For instance, when children throw tantrums, we could blame our parents for pampering them too much. While in reality the children may be throwing tantrums just to get our attention and time. Remember that not making a choice is also a choice. So what are we achieving by blaming others? 

The reason why we feel so upset when things go wrong is because we want things to be perfect all the time. Understand that it is okay to make mistakes. Some mistakes can happen in parenting too. Writer Leo Babauta says that parents set examples for their children and “how to act when things don’t go our way is much, much more important than the rules we set for them”. We learn from our mistakes and experiences in life. 

Take time to reflect and see what could have been done better instead of beating yourself up and feeling like a failure. This will help you to invest your energy positively in the right direction for your child in the future, as well as empower you to be an intentional parent. 

Afterall, happiness works best!
 

Latest Comments

SharonPriyanka on 21 Jun 2023, 16:24 PM

As the article rightly points out it can be tricky and a little uncomfortable for parents as they can have their own set of fears and concerns about what might happen and it\'s definitely worth reaching out for help in that case. In the Indian context talking about relationships before marriage hasn\'t been normalized yet but hopefully, more awareness is built around this topic in a way that leads to more open conversations.

Explorer007 on 21 Jun 2023, 16:13 PM

Veey interesting read. I also feel like although this is important, helping parents understand WHY its important to communicate this to their children is very essential since that appears to be the first step. Even open minded parents tend to assume that their kids will automatically learn these concepts whereas it may not be so in reality.

-Sruthi Seshadri

AsthaGandhi on 21 Jun 2023, 16:09 PM

Open Communication is definitely a must wherein parents should not shy away from topics they are uncomfortable with.

KA5634 on 27 May 2023, 09:55 AM

Nice one. noted many points from this article.

Thisissid on 05 Apr 2023, 13:19 PM

More such conversations in Indian families are needed. Parents can refer this before speaking to their children about it. - Siddhi

NamrataNagabhushana on 07 Nov 2022, 11:00 AM

Relationships is not a topic that is usually discussed in a typical Indian family, mine being the same. So, th fact that this article encourages parents to take this up and allow for a more open communication between parents and children is reassuring.

Namrata

NiharikaY on 05 Jul 2022, 12:59 PM

Helpful and comes in handy during personal encounters with children in general.