A Survival Guide for Parents 
If you have an adolescent at home you may at times feel like you are in a battlefield! The child who until recently was easy to manage suddenly seems to have turned into an unpredictable stranger - at least part of the time. 

Here are a few ways in which you can build up a stronger relationship with your child who is going through a lot of physical and emotional changes. 

Pick Your Battles 
Decide on the issues you want to invest your time and emotional energies. Many teenagers complain that their parents sometimes nit-pick about little things instead of letting them go. For example arguing with your adolescent over wearing clothes that are in fashion but seem unattractive to you, causes unnecessary resentment over an issue that isn't really important. Instead, if they wear clothes which are revealing and may create problems outside, you can put your foot down. 

In selecting your battle areas, you will also begin to realize that some issues, which seem important, in the present, actually don't matter very much in the long run. Therefore, this helps you to eliminate a whole host of problems and you are left with the important ones to deal with. 

Respect Privacy 
A boundary has to be drawn between yourself and your child who is growing towards independent youth. They have the right to privacy. This does not mean that they don't need parental supervision but this has to be within limits. For example, you shouldn't read their letters or diaries or listen to their telephone conversations. Instead encourage an open environment where they feel free to share day to day experiences - and most important, respect their confidences. 

Inform your Adolescent and Stay Informed Yourself 
During the teens, curiosity leads to experimentation with sex, smoking, drinking, drugs and so on. You need to provide information to your child about the issues and the risk factors involved; so that your child acts responsibly when the time comes. Be prepared to talk openly so that your child feels free to ask questions and share concerns. 
Be informed about the happenings around and also be aware of your child's friends. Change is normal in adolescence but watch out for drastic or long lasting changes in their behaviour or their personality. 

Make Appropriate Rules 
Rules should be laid down keeping in mind the needs of the teenager and expectation of parents. They should be age-appropriate and rewarded for being followed. If you make a rule, for example that the whole family will eat dinner together, then a time should be fixed. If any person is not able to reach on time, he should give a legitimate reason for it. 
As far as possible reduce the number of rules. Your child needs to gradually be given more and more freedom, coupled with responsibility. This way, once he gets beyond adult control, he will no longer need it. 

Remember to cultivate love and respect in the home. Remember als that actions speak louder than words, if there is something you don't want your teen to do, dont do it yourself. 

Enjoy your Teenager 
While the teenage years have their share of problems, don't miss out on the positive side. Your child is now more mature and can talk to you sensibly like a real friend. He or she can take on more meaningful responsibilities, achieve many things and contribute helpfully to family life. You can have a lot of fun with your teenager! Even if you have not been so close with your kids upto now, it's never too late to work on improving the relationship. 

Enjoy your youngsters while you still have them! 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 
 
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