Shalini, mother of 2 beautiful children had a good family life. She had been doing well in both her personal and professional life, However, things drastically changed when she learnt about her son’s diagnosis of Leukemia. Caregiving instincts set straight into play, which meant that she became occupied with parenting responsibilities, Both Shalini and her husband put their needs aside and focused towards the treatment plan and hospital visits. After a couple of months, her son started showing signs of improvement. She felt that finally, things will go back to their normal state. But that was not the case. Shalini kept wondering about the chances of relapse. She felt that she had to do everything to make her son’s life comfortable. She felt that she could not relate with other people that much because they could not understand her plight. Moreover, she felt that the chances of relapse are just around the corner. It almost felt as if there was a sense of impending doom.
Research (Latha, Scott, Kumar, Kumar, Subramanian & Rajendran, 2016) indicates that about 70% of the parents of children with cancer felt guilty for their child's worsening condition. Caring for their dying children creates a sense of failure and a feeling of powerlessness against their child's illness in the parent's mindset, and most of them experience a profound feeling of guilt. The guilt is extremely painful and makes the parent extremely vulnerable to depression.
There have been plenty of advancements in medical science, which have provided mankind with extensive medical treatment for cancer. While the chances of a longer life span have increased, we are still far away from a complete cure. This puts forward the inevitable question for a parent: Am I doing enough?
It is certainly quite difficult to see your child go through a series of painful treatment options. The quality of life also drastically goes down. As a parent, one would always hope for miracles for their children. While the success of medical treatment is beyond our control, emotional well-being and resilience are certainly within our control. Here are some strategies that parents could use to cope with guilt arising from their child’s worsening condition:
Support networks: People feel a sense of connectedness and empathy through their support networks. Support systems give us the strength and learning experience to help us combat difficult situations. It would be extremely beneficial to be part of cancer support groups for parents (Cancer Support Groups in India)
Spirituality and faith: Belief in a higher power such as God or Universe allows individuals to build resilience. Spirituality helps us understand the larger purpose in life and gives us the courage to combat pain and guilt.
Quality time with family: Caught up in treatment and hospital visits, families often feel a sense of distance. Couples tend to spend less time on their married life. A child without any physical ailments feels neglected in the household. It is extremely crucial to ensure that the entire family engages in an activity or hobby together such as a movie marathon, game board night or cookouts, etc. This will help bring the family closer together.
Self-care: “An empty jar does not quench the thirst of others”. Parents could look after their children better if they were able to take care of themselves. You would not be compromising on the care of your child if you engaged in self-care. Delegate the tasks between caregivers to see that you get some time for yourself. Engage in self-care activities.
The most helpful response after a child's diagnosis is to provide an opportunity for the parents to talk. If your child has been diagnosed with a terminal illness or has passed away due to cancer, then reach out for help.
If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help.