In-Laws: Building the Relationship

marriage couples mother in law father in law getting along with in-laws marital conflict

It is a fact that when you get married, you not only marry your spouse, but you also marry into the family or ?system'. Your in-laws can be a tremendous source of support and closeness, but they can also cause problems in your marital relationship. These issues could range from a minor interference to having total control over one's spouse and over the relationship. How can one deal with this?




I don\'t think we can follow this practically, narrow minded in laws are hard to digest.


Article is nice, but highly impractical to implement in real life except for the first sentence - \'First and foremost, accept that your in-laws aren\'t your parents\'. Living with in-laws is a system only in India (social acceptance), and the newly wed girls coming excited to start a life with their spouses instead have to live under the scrutiny of in-laws on each and every move they make. There is no solution to the mother in law\'s constant comparison of her life with the newcomers\', ignoring and moving on sometimes becomes very difficult. Hence people end up here on such platforms seeking help.


There is an unsaid pressure always when in laws are around, if we even try we cant think of them as our parents as we need not to be conscious when its our own parents and also they never judge us. I hope work from home will end soon and all the girls who are struggling with work & new family/in laws get some independence and get back to work location city.


some points need to clarify
- as said in this article, spouse should not be bridge to amend relation with in-laws. But spouse is only reason of relationship b/w two families. Then how can he/she escape from this responsibility?

- If in-laws and spouse both don't give respect then how to draw the line between self-respect and compromise ?

- In most of cases girl take care of her parents emotion and give second priority to her in-laws. How to repair this ?


I had a situation which might be silly but which made me think my self as never a part of husbands family. one fine mrng when I was in office cab my in-law called and asked me did you pack lunch for my son??I said yes I did for both of us and he is getting ready for office and as my cab came early I left the house a bit early. she said to me I am not asking about your lunch just give me the answer whether you have packed lunch for my son or not?? I told her yes I did why I wouldn't do that, she immediately called my dad and said your daughter is jot giving me respect and not answering me what ever I am asking her, so come for a panchayat,we need to talk on her behaviour. And this matter she didn't even tell her husband and son. after 4 months I told my husband whatever had happened on that and the reply he gave me was a mind blocking answer. my granny tortured my mom so my mom is torturing you , is this a family tradition that continues ??? Am I wrong in this situation or what ???


Nice article but very tough to implement in real life. You cannot control your emotions when you know they don't like you and doing things just to hurt you. Mother is law just not accept the truth that her daughter in law better than in all aspect...she is working, she can cook better than her, she can do better and faster work than her, she can take care for her son..... she is just jealous.


As a daughter-in-law, is it fair and wise to expect a whole family start behaving in a new manner that pleases you? Moreover, it has been established scientifically that males and females are emotionally very different.Take responsibility to align yourself to the new family and when acceptance comes in,talk about your concerns , but in a respectable manner.


This is very thoughtful article, we need to understand it without creating a stereotype for in-laws. There is only one thumb rule that there are good people(smart ones) and bad people (dumb ones) irrespective of who they are and sometimes it's difficult for both to adjust together.


i think these are hard to follow in real life conditions


u r in laws behaviour towards you will determine the respect we give them..


I accept only first strategy that , in-laws can not become your parents. My in-laws are actually not a good parents of their son then how they can become good in-laws


I accept only first strategy that , in-laws can not become your parents. My in-laws are actually not a good parents of their son then how they can become good in-laws


My inlaws were completely against me before marriage and even after marriage. They do not like the fact that I earn as much as their son and they cannot suppress me. How can I respect such people?


Article is very nice....But sometimes you can not just change the mindset of the another person who is 50/60 years old...We should learn to maintain the distance gracefully


I don't agree completely, as in-laws were every time thinking something bad should happen to my parents & brothers. they never change, they just want son & their daughter to b around them & nothingelse.


Nice Article.. Thanks for posting it. Esp. I liked the Strategies for a Positive Mindset. This will surely help to develop/maintain in-law relationship


Can not completely agree with that. after my marriage my hubby and in-laws were praying death of my parents and brother so that they can get ownership in my father's property its never possible for me to accept them as my own parents.