Anwita has always been strongly against Corporal Punishment in schools. What is causing her a lot of alarm is that she often finds herself slapping or shaking her 2 year old toddler in exasperation. She doesn't like doing it but she feels this is the only quick and effective way to control her child's behaviour... 

One may feel really frustrated at times, but spanking is not discipline. It is physical punishment and it can hurt your child. When you're stressed and angry, spanking may seem like a quick way to stop misbehaviour - but it doesn't work. 

Spanking may cause your child to fear you and stop trusting you. Anger, resentment and shame can build up in your child, and this can hurt your relationship. These bad feelings can also hurt your child's self-esteem and ability to have healthy relationships with others. 
 
 

Extensive research data is now available on the effects of spanking and psychiatrists, sociological researchers and psychologists all agree on the following: 

• Babies should not be be spanked. 

• Spanking children has been linked with behavior problems, including increased aggression and poor emotional regulation. It's even been linked with slower mental development. 

• Spanking children older than 5 or 6 needs to be refrained. Research suggests that older kids are especially susceptible to the negative effects of spanking. They are more likely to become antisocial or distressed. They are also more likely to develop negative relationships with their parents. 

• Spanking isn't more effective than non-physical punishments that include reasoning. Current studies suggest that spanking--even the most restrained and careful use of spanking-- is no more effective than disciplinary tactics that combine non-physical punishments with reasoning. When spanking is used as the primary disciplinary method, it is clearly less effective than the alternatives. 

• Emotions matter. Research suggests that spankings are most detrimental when parents are angry, cold, or insensitive. 

 
Why Spanking doesn't work 

• Spanking is hitting, and hitting hurts physically, emotionally and socially. It interferes with the bond between parent and child, it is unnatural as humans to feel loving toward someone who hurts us. 

• Children who are spanked are more likely to be aggressive. Physical punishment can lead to other problems, like bullying it gives the dangerous message that "might is right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are. The child then concludes that it is permissible to mistreat younger or smaller children. When he becomes an adult, he can feel little compassion for those less fortunate than he is, and fears those who are more powerful. This will hinder the establishment of meaningful relationships so essential to an emotionally fulfilling life. 

• Spanking can result in fear, not respect. A child who fears a parent may learn to hide behaviour and lie rather than trust the parent to guide and teach. 

• Spanking may get a quick reaction, but next time you may end up hitting harder. And when you're angry and stressed, it's easy to injure your child. 

• Spanking doesn't teach the right lesson. It shows a child that hitting is a way to solve problems. 
   
   

Remember if you are tired, fatigued or stressed you may react by lashing out at your child, it happens to most parents some time or the other. Fortunately, there are steps parents can take to minimize or avoid the likelihood of over-reacting and remain in control at the tipping point. It is important to step back before lashing out, regain perspective and make sure your reaction "fits the crime." Bear in mind that anything that hurts or scares a child is going too far. 
 
 

How to Prevent Going Overboard as a Parent 

1. Take a few deep breaths, step back, and count to 10. Use the time to consider if it's actually the child you are angry with and not someone else, perhaps even yourself. And for those who believe spanking or hitting is legitimate discipline, remember that experts broadly agree one must never strike a child in anger. 

2. Getting away from the house for exercise is a superb way to relieve stress. Make it a habit to take the children for a walk, to the neighbourhood park or a playground where they can wear themselves out a bit. 

3. Meet friends and talk about children. Conversation with peers offers a change of scene and a brighter perspective. 

4. Whenever possible take short breaks from care giving responsibilities. Grab some time to relax during children's naps or independent play. Brief respites act as safety valves and restore energy so you are less likely to blow if things go wrong. 

5. Rely on and arrange for support for times you're reaching your breaking point. When you feel your blood pressure rising, talking to a friend or family member who understands your children helps you let off steam and gives you a different perspective and the chance to gather your wits. This can be especially important if your child is particularly difficult or has a special need or disability. 

6. Arrange for relief-a spouse, relative, neighbour, or hired help-at the hours when children are most challenging. Pre-dinner, for example, is frequently the most difficult time. It's one of the times you're most likely to lose your temper because you're trying to keep children amused and prepare dinner. By then you're probably exhausted and the children are hungry and cranky. If feasible, handing over responsibility for the kids to the partner can be the greatest help. 

7. Focus on what your child has done right if the situation allows, rather than on the judgment error he or she has made. 
 
 

If you lose your temper and go overboard in a reprimand, own up. Apologizing to your children is a great way to role-model taking responsibility for a mistake. Your children will respect you for it and are likely to say, "its okay". 
 
 

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help. 
 
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