SELF HELP RESOURCE - Healthy Maternity / New Parent

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Much has been written about how a child may react once a younger sibling is born. However, little is written about how a mother's feelings towards her first child change in those early months after the birth of her second child. Everyone knows that a child may act out once they are no longer the center of their parent's attention. But did you know that you may react negatively too?


Listen to what some second-time mothers had to say about the first few months:


When my toddler came to visit me in the hospital right after the birth, I was shocked to see how he had changed in 48 hours. That sweet little toddler with the little feet and hands now looked absolutely enormous! His energy and boisterousness which was previously so endearing and something I was proud of was now a total nuisance.


I would lose my temper a lot. Here I was running on minimal sleep trying to take care of this delicate little newborn, when in bounces the toddler with her loud voice and demands. I knew it was natural for her to vie for my attention but I still couldn't stop myself from getting angry. Just when the baby was falling asleep she would make a noise. She would spill something or climb up somewhere forbidden right when I was nursing and could not get up to stop her.


I felt so bad. I would coo and cuddle the baby and bark at the toddler not to put dirty feet on the bed. Much to my dismay I had become a dragon mother! Loving and angry at the same time.


My fun-loving toddler with whom I used to do so many things now seemed like a pest. I felt so guilty thinking this way but I couldn't help it. I just wanted some time to marvel at the new baby, take fun pictures and enjoy being a mother without having to guard the baby from the toddler all the time.


I'm supposed to be this happy, smiling mum who is so thrilled to have a new baby. I am thrilled, but I'm also overwhelmed and tired of always yelling at my first-born.


Perhaps you can relate to some of these feelings.

Though most parents are well-aware that things will change when a fourth person is added to the household, they may not anticipate how annoyed they will be with their first child in those early months. After all, we are supposed to love each of our children equally. So it is quite a shock when all of a sudden the toddler becomes the villain of the family. Just be prepared that things will not be equal right away after your second child comes into the picture. Of course you will continue to love your first child. However, you will not be able to be as attentive or spend enough quality time as you did earlier. You may be impatient with your toddler simply because his excitement and energy is now dangerous. You may be less willing to negotiate and come to a peaceful solution because the baby is crying and you need to run. This is all normal. Just like your toddler reacts to the change in family dynamics, you as parents will react too. And it won't always be pleasant!

Of course it also depends on the age of your older child and the child's personality. A child age four and above or a quiet, sedate child may not react the same way an active two and a half year old would.

Make sure your toddler has quality time with her father or other close relatives with whom the child is well attached. If you are not free to take your toddler to the park, sit with her at meals or read her a bedtime story, make sure her father or someone else can do these things so that her routines do not get missed out. Beware that even if a toddler is given full attention by other members of the family, she will definitely still try to get time with you. In between feeding the baby, give your toddler whatever time you can. Hand the baby to your husband. Due to the frequent feedings during the first few months, it's common for fathers to feel they have very little time with the baby. Thus your husband may really enjoy some time to cuddle and bond with the baby.

Be assured that things will even out with time. Each month, you will get a little more sleep and hence a little more sanity! Your toddler will learn how to be quiet and gentle with the baby. You will regain physical strength and be able to manage the household better. Your hormones will stabilize and allow you better emotional control. You and your husband will master the art of juggling babycare and household duties together. You will learn to juggle and multi-task like never before!

Most of all, as the nursing sessions get shorter and you learn to accurately read your baby's cues, you will gain back quality time with your toddler. The toddler's acting out behaviors will also reduce as she learns she has not lost you to the baby.

Latest Comments

Abhiruchi on 03 Nov 2022, 16:15 PM

Great!!

Abhiruchi on 03 Nov 2022, 16:15 PM

Great!!

sharpuru on 30 Dec 2019, 12:35 PM

Good one..

jansat on 16 Dec 2019, 15:32 PM

nice

Rohina on 17 May 2017, 10:10 AM

Just from the heart...Thanks for helping me realize to Slow Down....

Anonymous on 07 Apr 2017, 11:30 AM

feeling good to read....very nice and helpful article!!

priyankadoss on 27 Feb 2017, 16:20 PM

Very helpful!!

desaira on 12 Oct 2016, 12:39 PM

Excellent.....

amdevi on 10 Sep 2015, 09:33 AM

Good one...

fnaaz on 31 Aug 2015, 05:36 AM

Good one.......Helpful