Nowadays, in so many areas of everyday life, from bank ATMs to automated telephone answering services, to smart phones, it is quite possible to avoid dealing with human beings. We can do our jobs, get an education and even be connected to a wide social circle without actually having to meet people face to face!  While technology can make life easier and convenient, it also makes one wonder….  Is it impacting our comfort level of face to face interactions? Are we becoming more shy?

The skills we use online to connect with others are not directly transferrable to the skills we need in face to face interactions. When we send a text message, post or tweet, we do not see facial expressions, tone of voice, etc that generally help us understand the feelings behind what someone is saying. We may be losing the ability to understand the emotions of other people, which is key in being empathetic and having good social skills. Sensitivity to emotional cues decreases with prolonged use of technology.

Technology may also be changing our expectations in social interactions. We may expect fast paced, instant results in our relationships as well. We may expect to be constantly available and at the same time be afraid of losing connectedness.

Initiating conversation in an elevator with an unknown person, talking to the passenger next to you in the bus, asking for directions… we may have had experience of interacting with strangers when we were forced to.  With technology however we can easily get by with texting a friend, using GPS, and plugging in our earphones to entertain ourselves. We may not be exposed to as many opportunities to learn the skills of patience, active listening, maintaining eye contact, reading non verbal cues etc.

Some of us may have grown up using a lot of technology and spent less face time with people. Others may be more shy in nature and find face to face interactions anxiety provoking. Shy people may use technology as a substitute for contact with people. This coupled with the fact that our modes of communication are changing, there is a chance that in face to face interactions, one may feel like a fish out of water, and quite ill equipped to relate to others.

“Like most cultural influences, your Smartphone is neither devil nor angel. It's a social tool that works in different ways, depending on how it's used.”

Technology can increase our comfort in relationships by making the day to day interactions easier. For a shy person, sending someone a friend request on social networking sites may be easier than striking up a conversation face to face. Social networking can help them get to know facts about persons beforehand so that they feel more comfortable in connecting with someone. Some shy people also benefit from the anonymity of chat rooms and feel less self conscious and less inhibited while interacting online.

The danger lies in the fact that while technology increases the perceived closeness we have to others and reduces feelings of isolation, it is not an effective way to reduce feelings of loneliness.  Feeling connected to people online may not transfer into good face to face communication skills. Therefore, the help that technology provides in connecting to others needs to be harnessed to improve quality in face to face interactions as well.

So ask yourself two questions

•    Are you using technology to enhance your relationships and interactional skills, or are you using it to compensate for your inability to manage face to face interactions?

•    Has your dependence on technology negatively impacted your existing relationships in any way?

One can learn to start feeling more comfortable in forming relationships and develop the skills to interact effectively with others. Do read our other articles on shyness for this.